I HATE NATURE

okay, that title is misleading...as there are in fact many, many things i love about nature; trees, wheat fields, picnics, "sweet light" time, crisp autumn air, pumpkin patches and the list really and truly does go on. however, after ian, myself and finally owen all getting stung by yellow jackets in the last 5 days and after walking outside and seeing the horror-fest above my front door, i am feeling at war with nature. i used to HATE spiders - have nightmares that they were COVERING my floor and i had no where to go... but i thought i was mostly past that. then i saw this little "beauty" over our front door. our neighbor killed it with some of our spider spray - it took a TON to kill it - and my heart is still racing. i feel like i just walked away from a car accident. my adrenaline was kicked up and i swear my heart was doing this horrible flutter thing (not the good kind) and i was left clutching my heart. i feel like it's crawling on my as i type this...is it crawling on me?!!! (shudder!!) why do i feel like i'm gonna throw up?? uuuhhggggg!!!!!! forget the bears in the trash and the dead fawn carried up a tree in our front yard, THIS is the stuff of nightmares...
EXHIBIT A: the itsy bitsy killer

EXHIBIT B: our rabidly filling bee/yellowjacket trap

EXHIBIT C: nest #1

and EXHIBIT D: nest #2

and this is all just the front side of the house!!

ohh...i have never felt so sick after a post...gotta....go....lie....down........

Inside my Heart (ps...I rate this post PG-13...ish)

Ten musically enhanced clips/videos/excerpts/"moments" that make me HAPPY!!! I feel like I am revealing bits of my true nerdy/over-the-top-theatrics loving self...and it's scary...(deep breath)...but I hold my head high and shout, "I AM A MOVIE/THEATER NERD! I LOVE SPECTACLE AND LIGHTS AND OVER-THE-TOP ACTING, LIVE SINGING, COSTUMES, AUDITIONS AND MOST OF ALL, NERDY TALENT THAT COOL PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF!" okay, i didn't really yell that because both the boys are napping. but here it is anyway:

1. GLEE: "Don't Stop Believin'" - Ohhhh yeah... may have watched this more than a few times... This show (or at least the first episode) rocks my little Idaho-world. Man did we used to ROCK OUT to Journey in High School...and that wasn't even my generation, but even in '98 and '99 I could appreciate rockin' music that came out the year I was born... So hat's off to "Glee" for making me fall in love with Journey all over again.

http://www.viddler.com/explore/Fragua/videos/1/

2. Thanks, Dad - for making me watch this movie until I learned to appreciate it!...

The movie: Blues Brothers
The Song: "Think"
The Singer: Aretha

(Wish I could find the minute or so leading up to her singing, but oh well).. http://www.trtube.com/aretha-franklin-amp-blues-brothers-think-27580.html

3. Whoo! This one makes me giggle... many a sleepover we watched this movie. The last five minutes or so in particular. And that part, (Ohhhh yeahh...YOU know that part...) when Patrick Swayze wrinkles his nose and says, "and i owe it all to you!" - well, i will just say this, "rewind". And that we did, again, and again, and again we would rewind that part. 8th grade Slumber parties, anywhere from 5-13 or so girls, this is what went down - lol. So here it is - and may i just say... "No one puts Baby in the corner"...melting...sigh..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y97bWP33d8I (couldn't find a clip that the "no one puts Baby in the corner" line AND the nose wrinkle, so here is the whole song - but still minus the nose wrinkle at the very, very end...can't find it anywhere - however, i HIGHLY recommend watching this. Don't you love how all the camp counselors had been secretly choreographing a number for just such an opportunity? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpmILPAcRQo

4. I was not allowed to see the movie "Flashdance" as a kid, (and rightfully so!) but somehow I have seen these clips many-a-time. I just explained to Andrew how in the 80's you could dramatically run in place for minutes on end and it basically made you a kick-butt dancer. I did not realize just HOW MANY awesome moves have been "lifted" from "Flashdance" until watching this little montage again. Boy did they dance with feeling back then - LOL. Enjoy..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeZ5R3C5bzs&NR=1

5. "Girls just wanna - they just wanna-a-aaaa.." SING it!

You loved it. Don't deny it. Possibly (possibly i said) may have made a certain younger brother try to do some of these lifts with me when we were elementary age... it did not end well. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" - it's a DANCE OFF, fools! (side note..when the wolf calls him a "butt-head"!!!....gasp....i thought that was SOOOO naughty as a kid. I'm still semi-uncomfortable with it..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TASGl0_jnjU

6. "Shag"....basically any movie set in, filmed in, or about NC or SC has a special place in my l'il southern heart. I ALMOST bought this movie the other day. (Don't worry "Shag" for a $1.00 in the thrift store, I am coming back for you). PS a big "THANK YOU" to Anne and Rick Hardison for teaching me these sweet moves!!!! (Love you Mom and Dad, but being the little Floridian girl and Cali-boy that you two are, had to learn some Southern appreciation from my friends' parents.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TV9WACDEBV4

(please excuse the small curse in the first two seconds - although she's so prim it almost doesn't sound like one)...

"MYRTLE BEACH - SPRING BREAK '98 - WOOOOHOOOOO!!!" (please imagine that a la arrested development style - with the blurs..)

7. Tony Awards! Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenewith. No more needs to be said. (Oh except this - don't you LOVE when they cut to her hubby Taye D. in the audience?!! LOVES IT!) He's on another type of list of mine... (it's okay, Andrew totally accepts it. Just like I accept that Megan Fox is on his list.... lousyactresstramp...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J72thWNW6PE

8. Oh how I LOVED me some Bryan Adams. Knew every song on my Bryan Adams tape. And then when he did the theme for "Robin Hood"...heart be still... anyway, I watched the credits many times and vaguely remember holding a tape recorder to the t.v. so I could listen to the song, write down the words and learn them... What?? who said that? How lame... I mean I was out doing awesome stuff like break-dancing and snowboarding before it was even cool - yes, that's how cool i am. (side note: LOVED when they got married in the woods with the leaves falling and the wreath on her head.... possibly subconsciously influenced the fall colors in my own wedding flowers...hmm, never put that together before. See? We are ALL learning new things about me.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo

Also, same thing with the song at the end of "The Princess Bride" (tape recorder, nerdsville, etc..)

9. Cool MTV videos with enough theatrics to make me LOVE these....
- "Helena" by My Chemical Romance. Love, love, love, love, love and oh yeah, LOVE this! Not entirely sure why I love it so much. If any aspiring psychologist wants to take a stab at why I have watched this 100 times, go at it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2_rOE1sYaM

- "Perfect Situation" by Weezer. Same amount of Love for this one too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgR-l3fhygw&feature=PlayList&p=76017691207B71F4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=1

- "Anything for Love" by...wait for it...MEATLOAF. I know it's like this combo of sci-fi meets broadway meets lol ridiculousness, but the heart loves what it loves. And oh yeah... I would do ANYthing for love, but I WON'T do that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GNhdQRbXhc

- This past year's Video Music Awards there were two that rocked my world. PInk's "So What" - MAN i want to be her JUST for these four minutes or so.. Look how BAD she looks in that picture down there! Go on with your bad self, Pink.http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/272675/so-what-live.jhtml#id=1593809 and Rihanna's Disturbia.(Incidentally, I do not find her a great singer, but this performance/song/choreography/dancers were pretty sick). http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/272630/disturbia-seven-nation-army-live.jhtml#id=1593810

- I couldn't post this tonight without a shout-out to Aerosmith's "Crazy" and "Cryin" videos - is there anyone who didn't at one time love those?! (although why you wouldn't still LOVE them i have no idea unless...you...are............stupid. It's getting late and that is the meanest thing i could come up with) - so ZING! take that Aerosmith haters.

10. And finally, tying all these cool moves together and rounding out this top ten list, "Flight of the Conchord's" - Bret's Angry Dance...lol..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0noYTY3hTw

Hope your day has been enriched. And to anyone (although i highly doubt anyone did) who watched alllll of these clips, don't you have something better to do??!!

(it's okay, you can admit just to me that your heart was all a twitter whilst taking this walk with me down memory lane...wink, wink!)

One more, an honorable mention to Napoleon Dynamite. Watch it. You know you want to. And then when you're done, run out of the room with your head leading your body. http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2006172

Baby Boot Camp

so...here is a directly quoted conversation i had with ian a little while ago:
IAN: "mommy, you know why I’m so crazy?? Because you had a crazy baby in your tummy!"
ME: "yeah - and we named him ian!"
IAN: "yep, that's why i slap myself in the face like this..*SLAP*
ME: "ian! DON'T hit yourself!"
IAN: "but momma, i can't help it...you had a crazy baby in your tummy and it's ME!!!"

please tell me other people have these type of conversations with their four year olds and that slapping ones self in the face is "normal" boy behavior.. you know what, even if it's not true, just lie to me.

the other night we were at a little football party (boise state vs oregon)- which apparently was like one of the biggest games in boise state's history...(yawn)...sorry bsu fans! anyway, we caught the tail end of the ncstate/clemson game and my tummy did a little flip~ i thought, "i've been to that stadium!" and i wondered how many were people were in the stadium and tailgating that i knew there. i asked andrew if it made him just the tiniest bit homesick (it did not incidentally). so everyone there had these duck calls (still not entirely sure why..oregon ducks?..i don't know...) and whenever something big happened the house (and probably neighborhood) was filled with the always soothing sound of dying ducks.. two times of this and poor little owen yet again thought the world was coming to an end. ian can SCREAM in his face all day long, but any sound that is not the norm for owen and he falls to pieces. actually he "fell to pieces" in another way too - sitting on the hard tile floor in the kitchen, somehow his giant head pulled him forward (still not positive as no one completely saw how it happened) and he smacked his forehead HARD on the floor. he screamed and screamed and screamed (while crying of course) for several minutes. he never cries that hard so it must have really hurt. we took him outside to calm him down and eventually were able to bring him back in...(until said duck-call time hit) and then we decided perhaps the party would be more party-like without us there. ian was super bummed to go since he was playing with a bunch of new friends. he wanted to borrow his friend desmond's cool disc shooter. desmond said "no", i said, "NO", even the dog said, "no", but it was not a reasonable for answer for ian who broke into heaving sobs as we got into the car. he and owen egged each other on in a crying contest the whole way home. andrew and i just shook our heads and laughed and i said, "see?...do you REALLY want to have another kid??" "no", he said, "not at the moment". ian finally calmed down about 30 minutes later and while sitting at the kitchen table with an occasional sniff he said - just as serious as could be, "momma, why are all his toys awesome and all my toys are weak sauce?" andrew and i could barely keep a straight face - andrew tells ian quite frequently that his wrestling moves are "weak sauce" or if i throws a ball less than impressively it's "weak sauce" - and ian gives it right back to andrew - but apparently his toys are weak sauce too.

oh and as a side note, andrew received a mini-lecture from a lady at the party about how it's our own fault that owen cries and gets scared of noises because... we "coddle" him too much. she then compared him to a tougher one year old...lily. needless to say andrew was pretty annoyed. all babies, but owen and lily in particular couldn't be more different. they have completely different eating habits and likes, completely different things make them laugh, get their attention, make them cry, and the list goes on... how dumb to tell someone their 12 month old isn't tough enough - but we decided to enroll owen in a baby boot camp just in case he is being coddled too much. his day will start with a vigorous baby work-out, followed by breakfast in which he will prepare his own meal and feed himself. then all the babies will stand (or sit in owen's case) in a line while the drill sergeant yells things like, "you little maggot! why don't you call for your mommy you momma's boy! are you a quitter or are you a TOUGH BABY?!" then owen will respond "TOUGH BABY, SIR".

"YOU CAN'T EVEN BRUSH YOUR OWN TEETH - ARE YOU SURE YOU CRY BABY?!" "SIR-YES-SIR", owen will yell. then nap time, more working out, another meal or two, a baby obstacle course followed by rigorous cleaning of all the floors and toilets and light's out. we feel it will be money well-spent, because is there anything worse than a baby who can't make their own way in this world?.. i didn't think so.

Birthday Baby

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

"Dear Mommy, Daddy and Ian,

(Owen here). Just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings after one whole year on this Earth. I am sure glad I came into this family!

Mommy, you aren't much of a cook (see picture of cupcakes from my birthday)

but you make up for it with lots of kisses, being a super fast crawler and chaser and teaching Ian and I awesome dance moves.

I know you did a lot of throwing up when you were growing me in your tummy and I know I made you tired and just a "tad" bit moody... (sorry, Dad).

And I also know you were surprised when out came a boy, but thanks for adjusting so quickly (and also for not giving me a girlie name).

I enjoyed my pink and brown nursery
and car seat ...for a time,
but I definitely feel the pirate theme is more "me".

So thanks for changing it up for me. I know I'm not much of a cuddler, but I am getting better at those kisses so keep working with me!

Daddy, it was obvious to everyone (including me - even though I was only minutes old..) that you were THRILLED to have two boys!

Thanks for telling Mommy that you thought I was "the greatest thing to happen to mankind" - I will do my best to live up to your expectations. I can already crawl, pull myself up on the furniture, eat faster than any human should be able to, say a few words and last night I took my first steps...so yeah... I think I'm off to a pretty good start of being an awesome person. Thanks for all the wrestling and tickles and especially for throwing me so high and making me laugh harder than anyone else is able to do.

You are one FANTASTIC Dad and I promise to continue squealing with delight everytime you walk into the room.

And last, but certainly not least, Ian. Ian, Ian, Ian... You are one awesome big brother. I know I can be annoying when I cry and mess up your cities of blocks, but thanks for being so patient with me. Thank you for dragging me (literally) all over the house so I don't have to be alone. I love to hang out with you and someday I will learn to keep up with you - (You sure are fast!!) Thanks for sharing your lollipops with me when Mommy's not looking and for taking me out of my crib in the mornings (even though Mommy tells you NOT to alllll the time! - boy she is a buzz-kill sometimes).
Thanks for teaching me how to play with cars and how to wrestle and play chase and hide under a blanket (even if I'm not the one who puts the blanket over myself) and go on "bear hunts" and draw with marker on myself. It has been an invaluable education thus far. I love you and I couldn't ask for a cooler and nicer big brother.

So gang, thanks for a great year. And I know you all feel bad I didn't have much of a "party" this year, but the good news is I can't seem to remember what you said just four minutes ago so I will most likely not remember anyway!

Mommy, thanks for the homemade birthday banner and sign and decorations.

I know I am loved.

Owen Marshall. Out."

View all

Get your own

is it just me or does anyone else find the first 20 minutes of disney's "tarzan" heartwrenching?... like, maybe... doing everything you can to be a brave soldier in front of four year old so he doesn't think you are the world's biggest baby. no? that's just me? *sigh* i remember my senior year in high school, andrew and i went (just as friends of course!) to see "tarzan" in the theaters. i think we were there with jake and josh spears and maybe russell henderson and/or devin gilreath?? anyway, i think i was the only girl?? and i think i possibly shed a tear or two, (yes, even then i had that problem...) and possibly was ridiculed for the rest of the night. so weird that ten years later i am watching it with my two little boys and trying to answer questions like, "how does tarzan slide down the trees like that?" and "what is a piranha?" out of curiousity i asked ian what he thought happened to the baby gorilla as the cheetah grabbed it. he said he just took him away (but did NOT eat him). phew! that's a load of my mind...definitely thought that played out differently. anyway, as we have temporarily cancelled our tv (i know, a moment of silence please...) tarzan has been on about 7 times in the last three days. seeing how ian has nightmares about monkeys, probably not the best thing for him to watch.

hmm... i had a list of "notes" - my little one word thoughts that i glance at before i start writing, but i can't seem to find it. okay, that's a lie - it's here, on this desk in my kitchen buried under something, but i am too lazy to look for it. i am lazy about many things these days: too lazy to change out of pajamas, too lazy to ever do my hair or put on jewelry, too lazy to deep clean. i went to see "harry potter and the half blood prince" at the movie theater in town. (yes, we have one. it shows exactly one movie at a time.) anyway, i wore an adidas t-shirt (andrew's), black yoga pants with holes in them, (which a teenage guy in fact pointed out to me - as if i was somehow unaware my pants had 6 holes in them - haha! jokes on him), tennis shoes, hair in it's standard messy bun thing and very little makeup. it may have been the the least effort i have ever put into going to the movies - or anywhere for that matter. on my way home, after midnight i saw one, two - THREE little foxes in a parking lot! i quickly turned off the highway (well, not quickly - SAFELY) and one hung around and let me get pretty close to it. andrew likes to tease me that for being such a city girl i get awfully excited about little critters (you should see ALL the pictures i have of the frog that was stuck on our door) - but i think that is EXACTLY why i get excited.. because even though i am completely immersed (up to my ears) in country-life, i'm still not used to seeing them - as the true country gals 'round here are.

here he or she? is trapped between the glass and the screen of our front door. and then in andrew's hand before his/her release back into the wilds of our front lawn.

anyway, the next day i told andrew how awesome the movie was to which he countered, "are you sure it was that awesome, or would any movie have been awesome since you never get to go to them?" touche.

the fourth of july was interesting. i had waaahayhaaaay more fun when i was nine months pregnant with owen and went last year than i did this year. it turns out owen is kind of a girl. no, scratch that - he is a GIANT GIRL!!! (guess the ultrasound had it right after all?!)

he cried over EVERYTHING. including every horn, siren, tire screech, and loud noise a parade can make. he was absolutely terrified. ian had a blast again this year, but i was hot and dealing with a baby who apparently thought it was Armageddon so i was ready to go about five minutes into it. after the parade, we came home and filled up our $5 baby pool form wal-mart. (you know, the wal-mart that's an hour and a half away..) turns out it is more fun to splash in two inches of water than to watch a parade. who knew?

(here are lily and owen having some water fun).

and my little clone of andrew - complete with water shoes, a life-vest (you can never be TOO careful) and goggles giving his giant, but adorable ears even MORE personality!

uhh, so... ian keeps telling me about the "boys in his head". apparently there are three of them - or three including him? not quite sure.. because the other day when i gave him two cookies he explained how one of the boys didn't get one and he was upset. told him too bad which then prompted the boy in ian's head to make an ugly face. he told me that one of them is really old and can't lift a chair or bike (incidentally i made ian put his bike and a big lawn chair in the garage the other day..) and just a minute ago as ian was showing me his awesome karate moves while demonstrating on a bouncy laundry basket, he said, "janey (yes, apparently one of them is named janey) is really good at karate!" (or kwaty - as he calls it). "who is janey?" i asked. "you know, janey, the boy in my head". he then asked me if he (IAN) was good at punching. which of course i reassured him he is. now, had i not experienced the weird head voices from my nephew, coleman approximately six years earlier, then i may be more concerned. but i guess this is something little kids/boys do?? please oh please tell me some of you have children with imaginary friends, or voices!! at least the voice in ian's head wasn't Jesus telling him to spit on me - as coleman told me so many years ago.

we made sock puppets the other day. attempt one included small circles of paper, a needle and thread, (for eyes of course..) a bloody finger and me wondering why i even ATTEMPT this stuff?! attempt two: a permanent marker which was not working in harmony with andrew's socks. finally, attempt three: some finger paint - actually got the job done. as you can see here, ian took his task very seriously. and maybe i did too... psych! like i care about sock puppets! stupid... okay, fine so i took a picture of mine. and maybe three more of mine...and maybe made ian take pictures of me next to my puppet... but like i've claimed - i mean SAID before - i just do this stuff for the kids...

i have this book with tons of ideas for entertaining preschoolers and every once in a while when i feel like making the effort to be a good mother i crack it open.. found the recipe for some goopity goo (as i have named it): cornstarch, water and food coloring... who knew how awesome it could be??? when you move it around it doesn't stick to you and it's kind of hard, but the second you let it sit (in your hand obviously) it starts to melt and seep through your fingers. ian LOVED it. and andrew and i may have also had some fun with it as well. does this mean we haven't matured past preschool age? no no, don't answer that.

these are the wild-flowers that andrew and ian (owen was with them too and got a few mosquito bites so i will credit him as well) and owen picked for me the other day. emphasis on WILD-flowers - as in dirt road, no homes, an elk nearby, mountains all around, etc... ian made me close my eyes while daddy found a vase and arranged them. i was quite impressed. they sat proudly displayed on our wood burning stove until they turned brown and stinky.

oh, and for further proof my son is a wee too "sensitive", here he is crying because of some bubbles. yes, you read that right. he is TERRIFIED of them. i tried to find out what the phobia of bubbles is called - apparently there is no such name. even on the "strange phobias" website i can't find a name for it. so in honor of going to "harry potter" this week i hereby name owen's irrational fear - "ridiculosa".

for more pictures from the fourth, july thus far and june, here are the links to the albums. and as always, the captions tell a story. a boring story, but a story nonetheless.

July http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=93769&id=737543123&l=56afb48848

June http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=86280&id=737543123&l=5a2e01bb2c

Latest Albums:

JUNE/LAKE FUN http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=86280&id=737543123&l=5a2e01bb2c
ANDREW'S CAMPING TRIP http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=85242&id=737543123&l=e4137d2f71

BEST FRIENDS

As you all know, I am in my twenties and have two little boys ages 4 and 10 months. After tonight I have decided to get my tubes tied. And just to be safe my husband decided he will get a vasectomy also. Actually, instead of "tied", I am going to request that my tubes be double knotted!!.... Does anyone else have a four year old who will NOT stay in bed?????! We recently came up with the "brilliant" idea of letting our boys share a bedroom. My husband has such happy memories of late nights and games and story-telling and adventures with his own brother, that he wanted his boys to experience the same thing. Now granted, one of them is not yet walking or speaking, but since we only have three bedrooms and we have company from time to time who need a guest room, we thought "why not put them together now?! They will bond! Laugh! Grow! Play together in the mornings! It will be wonderful!" Here is a small taste of what we have been experiencing as of late - tonight pretty much sums it up: we put the boys to bed around 6:45pm. They were fed, prayers said, teeth brushed, sips of water, more prayers (for sweet dreams) said, cuddled, kissed and humored in every way a four year old could come up with. My sweet husband took over for the first two hours and instituted the "Super Nanny" rule of - After the first time the child gets out of bed you explain what is expected and if they keep getting out of bed then you gently take them by the arm and place them back in bed again and again and again and again until finally they relent. Andrew stood in the kitchen waiting for the inevitable a whopping 80 TIMES. As in 8 and 0 - 80! the number after 79. He made me stay away (which I gladly did while watching "Pregnant at 16" and "Wife Swap" in the bedroom) so that Ian and Owen wouldn't see me and start screaming for me. Finally at 9pm i tagged him out and kissed him goodnight and have been dealing with my "angels" ever since. Ian woke Owen 3 different times and poor little Owen Marshall is EXHAUSTED since he missed his afternoon nap today. We aren't "spankers", but i came darn close tonight! Threatened it and told Ian that we have always done the time-out thing but he is getting very close to us beginning to just spank him and was that what he wanted? (He does not - in case you were wondering). Finally, about 15 minutes ago I either stumbled onto the trick, the magic, the threat that may just work from now on ...or...he just finally collapsed from exhaustion. Before I share my new strategy let me just say that ever since Ian had a nightmare (he has many) but a very alarming nightmare last week about a monkey - sigh and lol - he has literally been my SHADOW. He won't go to the bathroom alone, get a toy alone, if i am in my bedroom and walking between the bathroom and closet - he is SO close to me that i am literally stumbling over him. If i'm on the computer, he's by my feet playing. if i'm in the shower, he's in the bathroom with his toys. It sounds cute and pitiful but believe me it is anything but!!!! It is frustrating and infuriating and I am at a complete loss. Here is a kid who liked to go by himself on bear hunts alone in the closet armed with a flashlight and squirt gun - who now BEGS for me or his baby brother to watch him go to the bathroom so that he won't have to be alone. I could go on and on about this and everything I have tried, but believe me I have tried every common sense idea you could fathom - and even some non-common sense ones... Anyway, a few minutes ago while i was at a total loss of how I was ever going to get Ian and Owen to sleep, I googled "four year old scared of bed" and found some forums. And among the monster sprays and prayers and spankings and co-sleeping and answers from parents who have clearly never experienced this and every method imaginable, was my magical answer: "Give her/him one chance, before bed, to ask for anything she/he could possibly need before going to sleep. Including a pre-lights out monster check. Come up with something she/he will sorely miss and tell her/him that if they come out after they are put to bed, she/he will lose it the following day.Good luck!" So simple and yet SO effective. So as I walked Ian back to his bed for the zillionth time I said, "if you get out of bed again, tomorrow I am taking away Batman and you will NOT play with him all day". He got out of bed - and so I said, "okay, tomorrow I have Batman". Then as I put him back he started screaming for me and crying (but NOT getting out of bed!! Ahaaa!) Then Owen started fussing. So I went in there and said, "You've already lost Batman tomorrow, but if you get out of bed again OR if you yell for me OR wake Owen again, I am taking away the big black car you play with." To which he crinkled his forehead and said, "What black car?" to which I said, "The big black car that Papa gave you that you play with every day" to which he said, (in a Mommy-you-are-not-too-bright way), "That car's not black", to which I gave him a blank stare and thought, "children are overrated". He is right - it is silver and black I saw as I walked out of his room, but guess who has not made a peep and who is currently fast asleep with an angry...i mean angelic...look on his face??! I would like to give an honorable mention to another favorite answer that I saw on the "how to get your child to stay in bed" forum. This response comes from a 15 year old girl: "Tell her if she doesn't go to bed you're going to ask the monsters to eat her toenails. I'm 15 and that would make me go to sleep in a flash!" Now there is a future mother who could write a parenting book!

TWO PEAS IN A WEIRD POD

dance party time - check out their "robot"

Andrew's sister and her family came to visit Wednesday and Thursday and we were so excited to have them! Aside from all the obvious reasons and the fact that we hadn't met each other's newest babies and haven't seen each other in forever, the major bonus was that Ian had his best bud, cousin Landon around to leach onto 24/7 - so I was finally shadow-free for a blessed 48 hours. You would think that the boys getting to have a slumber party together (complete with marshmallows and stories) would have solved the getting out of bed problem, but you would be wrong. Last night I heard wailing over the baby monitor... here is what I'm almost positive happened. Landon started crying (in his sleep) which in turn woke his sleeping bag buddy, Ian - who was also crying walking towards my room when I came to check on them. By the time I got into the room Owen had started crying and just as I settled him down Landon again cried out in his sleep and then from the bed Hallie started crying and calling for her mommy. I sent Ian to my room to sleep for the rest of the night (okay, I guess I wasn't completely shadow-free after all!), tucked Landon in again, made sure Owen was still settled and after unsuccessfully trying to calm Hallie, finally knocked on the "guest room" door and ever-so-gently shoved her in. Just refer to me as "Crisis Management".

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM..

Anyway, all in all it was great to see family! And we are excited to have them for another night on their way back from Utah. Love you guys~

Signing off:
Crisis Management

croup, ear infections and other pleasant things...

here are the complete albums on my facebook account from our trip to utah, easter egg hunts, easter sunday, etc...

UtAh PART I FARM COUNTRY: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=78345&id=737543123&l=7ff7742d63
UtAh PART II DINo MUSEUM & DINNER W/FRIENDS: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=80612&id=737543123&l=65a98f097b
UtAh PART III, PAPA's ARRIVAL: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=80619&id=737543123&l=741e3dc6d9
EASTER EGG HUNTS AND PHOTO SHOOT: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=75425&id=737543123&l=ba70910317

i am feeling a bit overwhelmed with how behind i am on my bloggity blog.. where to start, where to start... let's work backwards shall we?

(ian, evelyn, leland and claire at the dinosaur museum in utah. sadly my camera died the second after i took this shot - which was taken in the entrance of the museum by the way. one of three fun places we went and i don't even have photographic evidence. i was NOT happy.)

(ian, claire and leland)

PART 1. we have now been back from our utah "vacation" for a few weeks. "vacation". what a silly word.. it brings to mind images of sitting around on weathered, white adirondack chairs, soaking up the sun, playing hard and going to bed exhausted, sleeping in and having lots of laughs. i would like to give to the world MY definition of "vacation". (clearing throat...) "ahem... Vacation: doctor's visits, croup for the entire family and any relatives within the household, upper respiratory infections, shots three days in a row for your baby and a shot for your four year old, double ear infections for the children, sinus infection, croup and a uti for mom, a child barfing all over his aunt's beautiful duvet and quilt and pillows and floor, coughing throughout the night so that no cousins want to share their room with you, spending a small fortune at the local pharmacy, a pediatrician warning you that both of your boys' eardrums may in fact rupture during your flight home, not being able to visit the rest of your relatives or go places for fear of spreading the plague to other households, and finally, vacation: telling yourself over and over again, "this was not a waste of money, this was not a waste of money, this was not a waste of money..."

(we did get to do a few fun things, like go to Farm Country - and without the two babies - so we were able to move quickly and the kids had a blast! we also got some amazing pictures - see album.)

(aunt tt and her silly - farm country. and ian hammin' it up for the camera.)

(leland, ian, claire, owen, ruby, papa, coleman and evelyn. uncle brian bought lakers/jazz tickets for my dad's birthday (go lakers of course!) so papa flew out from north carolina and got to hang with all the grandkids...well, almost all... but come on caden, he gets to see you all the time!!)

(owen LOVES babies - like loves them sooo much more than they seem to love him in return. here he is with his cousin ruby. ruby is three months younger than owen marshall, but they weigh the EXACT same. look how skinny his little arms are! owen was infatuated with ruby. every time he saw her he lit up and grinned and giggled and his only goal became to touch her and kiss her and hug her and smother her. the term "kissing cousins" definitely applies.)

(see what i mean? kissing cousins. by the way, check out ruby's thighs...now look at owens... their little bodies could not be more different!)

(coleman being an awesome cousin and leading all the little ones in some parachute fun. coleman was awesome with ian - who has been talking about seeing his super cool cousin for months and months and months. seriously, ask my friends. ask his sunday school teacher. EVERYone here knows allllll about ian's cool cousin coleman. thanks for making ian feel like such a big kid, coleman.)

(what goes around comes around owen. owen may have smothered ruby, but claire gave it back two-fold to owen! she fed him, pointed at his boy parts every diaper change, hugged him and kissed him and even referred to him as her baby a few times.)

(is it wrong that highlights of my trips often center around food? is it odd that i take pictures of said food? i heart yopana. and i heart brian for ordering and picking up yopana sushi. mmm....sushi... isn't it beeeeauuutiful?? like a photo of a sunset or quiet mountain stream, this is my art.)

(shelley hess johnson, kati johnson heath, brittany krallis stapf and jessica sue frost - oh and owen marshall looking pitiful, cold and maybe a little bored in his car seat. i am a semi-horrible mom for dragging my sick child out to dinner with the ladies, but he seemed to mostly enjoy himself and even fell asleep at jessica's house as we all stayed up chatting. here i am with some of my old college roommates. it was a fun reunion - and yes, amber we missed you terribly! we had a blast at pizzaria 712 - i think that's what it was called - and blabbing about our lives. thanks for a great night, ladies~)

(okay, so this was taken before we left for utah, but it's just so stinkin' cute i had to post it. owen marshall - 8 months old.)

PART 2. easter sunday was a little sad without daddy around. the boys woke up to their baskets from the easter bunny. fortunately owen is too young to notice how blatantly the easter bunny seemed to prefer ian. although owen DID get a new teething toy,sooo... jealous much, children?? i decided after church that we needed a little photo shoot while we were all in our sunday, easter colored clothes. things did not go smoothly. andrew was still at work, as was cheryl so todd graciously became the photographer in our impromptu shoot. there was still quite a bit of snow so he took turns 4wheeling us down the land in his backyard as we attempted to find some scenic spots. ian refused to sit in the dirt...i know, i know...i'm working on it.. my kid is AWESOME about washing his hands with soap before meals and after potty time and pretty much anytime he's sticky or messy - the flip side is he seems to be showing some ocd tendencies with dirt and getting messy. highlights of the "photo shoot": getting mud all over my white banana republic skirt, owen refusing to look at the camera when this new stuff called "pine straw" was soooo much more fascinating, todd's three dumb dogs insisting on running through every other shot, and to top it all off, the 4wheeler getting stuck in the snow on our way back up to the house - forcing me to take off my heels and RUN BAREFOOT through snow up to my calves! these were some of the better shots..i'm still not sure it was worth it. but hey, happy easter!! i will not include the photo of me holding my fingers like a gun to my head while the boys are doing everything but smile - but believe me, it's saved on my computer and pretty much encapsulates the whole event.)

(my tiny little boy.)

(one of our closest attempts at a frame-worthy picture. owen looking up? - check! owen even smiling? - check! me not looking too hoss-like? check! and ian pursing his lips and giving todd a random thumbs up??...check, check.... sigh..)

(another almost-winner. but not quite..)

(while todd ran ian up to the house in the 4wheeler, i took a bunch of pictures of owen and lily hanging out in the woods. they did this all on their own which was pretty precious i must say. a second later she poked her fingers in his mouth, pushed his face away and basically broke his heart. girls..)

(after the easter egg hunts (plural) on saturday, we all went to visit daddy at work. for some reason ian decided to hide in the corner. got a pretty cute shot out of it though).

PART 3. i have funny little stories and quips and one liners and ianisms and life as seen through my eyes to share, but i think this post has been long enough. if anyone goes to the albums i attached, make sure to read the captions as they pretty much tell the story of what is happening.

so anyway, thank you tillia and brian for letting us stay at your house for two weeks and get your children sick. thank you dad for coming to visit and bravely letting sick grandchildren climb on your lap and kiss your face and for being willing to get croup and take it back to mom. sorry to both of you!!! but look at the bright side: you didn't have to share a room while you were sick with a sick baby and sick four year old who threw up on your bed at 9pm! see? silver lining!!! can't wait to come out to nc in a few weeks. we are doing our best to get rid of all infections and owen will be getting tubes in his ears next wednesday - so he should be good as new - which was just 9 months ago for him..

PART IV OF NOT V - BUT IV IT TURNS OUT...

so, i was trying to work backwards with my five part blog. but as it turns out, i am a quitter. i have lost interest. i guess i will entitle this one Part IV of V, but there will be no part V. a while ago i uploaded a TON of pictures and saved an unfinished blog as a draft. i've decided for this one i am just going to put a link to a few of my facebook albums. okay, here we go...
1. EMBARRASSING STORY:
i can't believe i'm sharing this story, but it's kind of a funny one - and rita, it includes you! my back went completely out recently - like can't-hold-my-baby out. andrew took the kids to his parents and took great care of me! at least i think he took great care of me...i was in a vicodin/muscle relaxer/anti-inflammatory haze for most of that time. andrew was working nights and one night - around 3am, i was wide awake. i'm still not really sure what happened - 24 hour bug or something - but i was fighting away the urge to throw up and watching an infomercial. and then i did something i have NEVER done! something i have wanted to do many many many times - something throughout the years that andrew and i have discussed many time because it just so seemed like this thing (which varied) could make our life complete... i ordered something...off the tv! things i have wanted to order before: the thing that has a light on it and cuts paper for scrapbooking - even though i don't scrapbook - but if only i had that i know i would be a scrapbooking star!, the magic-bullet (isn't that what it's called) - you know, that little food processer thing? i'm not a great cook, but if i had the magic bullet i KNOW i could be star chef!, knives, hair products - like that bump-it thing - the ladies know what i'm talking about.. and countless other brilliant little inventions. so anyway, i ordered something and then the second i got off the phone i threw up. like majorly/wanted to sleep on the bathroom floor - threw up. and finally, sleep came. the next day i was talking to my friend, rachael (waddup ml?), when i gasped and said, "oh my gosh! i ordered something from the tv at 3am and i cannot remember what it was!!" it took me a day or so, but it finally all came back. and here is the embarrassing part. (deep breath)... oh for the love...i don't know if i can type this. for some of you, this is no big deal, for others, it's a tad scandalous and some of you may just laugh as you picture me using this product... i ordered... workout tapes. not just any workout tapes...oh no...sexy workout tapes. three to be precise. one of them involving a chair - i haven't yet tried that one. we only have four chairs and i would hate to have to explain how i broke one doing a sexy work out routine. i think one of the tapes is entitled "booty beatz". i locked myself in the bedroom once my back was all healed and did that one. it is the most i have ever laughed at my own reflection in the mirror! the girls in the video - as in all workout videos were HOT. perfect bods, hair down, makeup on and just ohhh so happy to be doing what they do. i will give myself the compliment that i picked up the routine very quickly (guess that street jazz and cheerleading i did in my youth finally paid off!) however...and this is a big HOWEVER...i looked a bit different doing the same moves. i can do the "party girl" move pretty awesome as i have been doing that one for years, but some of the other moves - which i am too embarrassed to even tell you the names of - were quite a sight to see with a plus-sized girl in baggy black sweats and a sweaty, red face and things jiggling that don't jiggle on the wannabestrippers performing. so, as andrew and i were leaving to go pick up our little ones from nana's, my tapes came in the mail. i grabbed them on the way out, showed andrew and had a good laugh as i tried to imagine these workouts. finally we met andrew's parents at the halfway point, and his mom helped get things/children switched over to our car. and what does my four year old do? he grabs all three tapes out of their discreet brown envelope and says, "mommy! what are these??!" i grabbed them quickly - very, very quickly and said at an almost yell, "THOSE ARE MOMMY'S WORKOUT TAPES". i was pretty sure rita saw the back of one of the tapes. the one with a hottie on a chair - burning calories and looking good doing it.. i was embarrassed. mostly because i was not yet prepared to explain those tapes to anyone. sooo... rita, wanna workout with me next time i visit?

2. ST.PATRICKS DAY
the leprechaun came to our house the night before st. patricks day. i told ian he was coming and how we all needed to have on green or we would get pinched. before ian went to bed i told him to get on his pj's and he said,
"but mom! the man is coming!"
to which i said, "what man?? does daddy have someone coming over?"
"NOOO MOMMY that MAN! you know, that MAN? i can't put on my pj's because i have to wear this shirt or he will punch me!" (said in an almost-panic by the way).
(i just stared at him in confusion).
and then i got it! "ohh! you mean the leprechaun?! okay, you are right, you can sleep in that shirt". (followed by some lol's).

that night, he left green cookies and green candies for ian, some cute signs around the house, a letter to ian, and you know how mischievious leprechauns can be...he moved things in the wrong places! he put the chairs upside down and some on top of the table, he turned over owen's sit-n-play toy, he put the coffee table center piece where the toys go and the toy basket on the coffee table AND he t.p.'d the house! ian loved the green cookies and candies the leprechaun left, but could not comprehend why he would purposely make a mess and be naughty. i tried to explain he did it as a joke, but ian seemed more concerned then amused.

(naughty leprechaun!)
(a note for ian and some green cookies)

fast forward about 9 hours later. i was about to have my first physical therapy appointment and we could NOT find the keys! andrew was upset, i was upset and ian decided he was upset too. we looked EVERYWHERE! i knew it was my fault because andrew and i both remembered my picking up the keys off the floor, but we remembered nothing past that. andrew had to go to work after my appointment and was starting to panic for his own reasons. we looked EVERYWHERE!!!!!!! everywhere we could think! after almost an hour of searching and me cancelling my first physical therapy appt, ian said, "mommy, did that leprechaun TAKE them?!" "YES!!!" i shouted - relieved to have a scapegoat! "well, he didn't take them, but he moved them somewhere! he is SO NAUGHTY!" ian decided we should set up a trap next year to catch him. andrew said he would be waiting with a shotgun...which i thought was a bit extreme, but like i said, he was pretty upset. guess where that leprechaun put those keys?! in ian's toy box. he must have cleaned up a toy on the ground when he was holding the keys and dropped them in there. leprechauns are the worst.

3. THE END
owen will be waking up any minute, so i will end this for now. here are the links to a few albums.

things in this album: winter carnival, game night with todd and cheryl, my birthday, snow sculptures, and kids.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=63942&id=737543123&l=f0de8863b3

things in this album: valentine's day, outing with cheryl, friends, and visit to spokane/deer park.
ahhh... this is much easier than posting all these i must say!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=65604&id=737543123&l=7b4788ad02

enjoy~

b

PART III OF V

Videos! Be patient if you only see one - these things take FOREVER to upload. Okay, uploaded two - done for tonight - more to come soon~

Owen Marshall saying "Hi"... kind of...

Ride 'em Cowboy

(don't mind the broken chair and mess in the backround!)

PART II OF V

just some january randomness~

ian looking ADORABLE.

Ian and Daddy...and Owen Marshall's head.
After Church.
Working on breakdancing moves. Seriously. We watch kids breakdancing on youtube and then ian attempts the moves. My kid rocks.

Photo shoot of Mommy and Owen - picture by Ian!

Family Outing! Fun at the Winter Festival...and no...Mommy and Daddy did NOT get into a tiff because Daddy said he was (quote) - "just here to hold things"...

Look at the excitement in Andrew's eyes!!

Snow Sculpture Fun.

Mommy and Ian.

Cheryl and Lily came with us.

Ian and his buddy Kade. Those are Ian's FAVORITE socks because his cousin Coleman gave them to him. Nothing like used socks to build a kid's self esteem!

Bathing in the sink. He is still soooo tiny!

Ian completely dressed himself for the day...

PART I OF V

last night as a three year old..

birthdays are a big deal...at least in my world. after hours of looking for a transformers pan online (there are none that i'm aware of) and picking the perfect picture to sketch onto a cake, and making mini-cupcakes and setting up something special for ian to wake up to, i collapsed into content exhaustion. you see, while i love surprises and surprising others and creating and maintaining traditions, it doesn't always come as natural to me as it does to others. i spend hours upon hours picking the right font for a card, decorating the birthday cake, arranging and then re-arranging the table that ian will see when he wakes up. all for little ones who will have no memory of these early birthdays. but as tillia says, "it's all about the photos" - and so here they are:

here is the little present, card and mini-cupcake ian woke up to. i even used the real china... ahhh to be four again. eating mini-cupcakes for breakfast on mom's china without a care in the world...

TADAAA! the cake that took me hours. and i do mean HOURS to design. i even made the frosting ALL BY MYSELF - something i have never done (or even thought of doing) before! it was hard - and scary - but i powered thru and mixed and mixed and colored the frosting gray and blue. just once, i would like to bake something that looks professional. where someone looks at it and puts their hands to their face and says, "oh my! you should sell these! you have such talent!" instead i generally get the pity/i'm-proud-of-your-effort head cocked to the side as someone says something like, "aww...you did really goooood". in that "bless your heart" kind of way. oh well...that cake above is as good as it gets.

ian pre-party.

we had a ton of helium balloons (thanks to julie) and lots of preschoolers and preschoolers' siblings running around the church gym like caged animals being set free. we also played duck-duck-goose (which i realized once we started playing that my son had never seen or played before!) and a musical numbers game where when the music stopped they had to go find a number to stand on that i had placed on the ground. then a child got to pull a number out of a bag and whoever was standing on that number got to come get a party favor.

presents!!

when our neighbor, todd arrived, he announced to all the moms (and a few four olds) that "the stripper is here". at the church...to lds moms...and children... but todd would never let a little thing like "being appropriate" stop him from getting a laugh..

mommy and ian

andrew retrieving the flyaway balloons... and looking very happy here to do so!

all in all, it was a great day. owen slept, ian partied and mommy and daddy got extra hugs and kisses. love you ian. you are the coolest four year old i know.

owen watching the festivities from a safe distance~

More Good Stuff

Random Thoughts, Observations, Stories and Ianisms

Hard Core - Not everyone can pull it off.

- okay, so here is my lame christmas shopping story that i know you have all been waiting for. originally andrew and i weren't going to give each other gifts this year - but we (or i rather) changed our minds. i got him some cologne in new york a few years ago and it is almost out. so, i thought i would get him something new. i sample smelled several of the higher end ones; dolce and gabbana, armani, cartier, jean paul gaultier, etc... and they were pleasant. the guy at the mens' fragrance counter was doing his best to sell me on something, anything. he even told me some stories about how fabulous this one or that one smelled on his male "friend". i don't know why he didn't just say boyfriend...but whatevs. so anyway, i told him i was going to look around. he then stuck his nose in the air and practically ran away from me. okay, here comes the lame and embarrassing part. i had one fragrance and one fragrance only in my mind....lol..."woods" from abercrombie and fitch. now, i realize that in middle school you could smell a cloud of this when the guys sat together in the cafeteria or walked by in a cluster and it is a bit lame that i miss that smell. all i know is i loved "woods"! and "cool water" for that matter. they melted me then, so why not now? and so, i ventured into abercrombie...pushing my new baby in a stroller and trying to act like i went in there alllll the time. (as if i could even probably fit in anything in there - okay sure, maybe some of the guys stuff...). so i pushed little owen all the way to the back and starting looking for "woods"...and looking...and looking. then i went up front and started a conversation with the sales man - or boy rather.
-"hey", i said, "do you guys not sell woods anymore?"
-blank stare. "you know, woods? the cologne? it was like abercrombie's signature fragrance.."
-blank stare. "uh...i've never heard of that."
-"oh." awkward pause "well it was HUGE when i was in middle school and high school". awkward silence. "i feel old".
and out i walked, went to a few cool teenager places; hollister, american eagle, etc... and smelled their colognes. went to american eagle twice - their cologne was okay and i was considering buying, but af seemed cooler than ae to me. anyway, started talking to the guy in american eagle. -"oh my gosh!" says i, "i feel soo old! i was just in abercrombie and was asking them about woods and they don't even carry it anymore! and not only that, the kid didn't even KNOW what i was talking about!" and then i laughed out loud. and then i received yet another blank stare. followed by an awkward laugh from salesboy number 2.
-"umm...i've never heard of it either."
and then i realized that while american eagle sales boy was much taller than me and had a football players physique, that was probably because he played football...in high school. you see people, tall does not equal older in case you didn't know. and so, i awkwardly laughed my way out of the store. and realized that while i may feel 17 or 19 or even 21 inside, i am in fact inching ever closer to 30. yikes - that's scary to write. and so back to a&f i went, with my shoulders slumped in an i'm-30-in-2-years' kind of way. and bought "fierce", which - fyi - smells very similar to woods. andrew is wearing it today and i want to bury my face in his neck. then ian asked me to smell his little skinny neck - apparently he is now sporting "fierce" as well, which makes it waaaayyyy less sexy let me tell you.

Andrew Stapf and Brittany Krallis Stapf Christmas Day - Idaho - 2008

- so, thank you to jen and fam for our christmas gifts. ian has taken over owen's caterpillar book and every time we turn the page - makes me turn it back again and again and again to see where the caterpillar went... most of all, thank you for the best truffles i have ever had. magic truffles, i like to call them. a christmas miracle if you will. i forgive her for addressing that particular box "to the whole family" and ask you to please send those only "to brittany" the next time around. that's right, i'm putting in an order. i have never had better chocolate. andrew totally stole one of the bags and i may have called his work and told whoever answered to please tell my husband that i know he is a thief and i want "my" chocolates back. you would think a 5 pound bag for each of us would suffice. you would be wrong.

Owen Marshall the night before Christmas.

And Christmas morning.

That's right, he goes through two sets of pj's in that time.

- yesterday andrew and ian were wrestling and andrew pinned down ian and yelled, "who do you work for??!!" which i thought was pretty funny since he's never said that to ian before. ian didn't miss a beat and yelled, "I WORK FOR BOB KWALLIS - BEEF JEWKY! i guess while we were in nc he heard my dad answer his phone one too many time, "Bob Krallis"...

- a few days ago ian, owen and i were hanging out on my bed. ian needed to go get something and said, "mom, you keep owen happy - i'll be wight... back." good thing i have him around to tell me what to do.

Cheryl Gerzine and I

About to have Christmas Dinner at their house.

If we look extra happy,

it's because we were about to eat!

By the way guys, I totally dig your Elk-plates.

Mmm...yams on scenic elk-ware.

Can you beat it?

Cheryl and Lily and Lily and Owen

please compare the thighs...

Seriously, Owen doesn't stand a chance against this girl! She's only a month older, but she is about to flatten him in a 'steamroll' - See him smiling? That's because he has no idea the crushing weight he is about to feel..

No offense Lily-pad.

Ian was given two Harley Davidsons. Todd definitely knows the way to Ian's heart. Two toy motorcycles and a couple of gas sounds and Ian considers you a friend for life.

A picture of Todd, Cheryl and Lily Gerzine I took in our back yard.

They are nauseatingly cute.

This was also taken in our yard. I think it is awesome and that I should win some sort of award for this picture. It helps having such a photogenic subject as well. About 60 seconds later Lily totally ate it - as in - faceplanted in the snow.

But we all feel her sacrifice was worth it.

Ian eating an Octopus. This kid will seriously do ANYTHING that Todd does. It almost ruined me and Andrew's meals. What 3 year old eats octopus???!! Oh he also ate SEVERAL crawfish - like fully in their shell with their little eyes begging for mercy. Ian said (and i quote), "they almost look like animals". Oh sweet boy, if only you knew...

- lately i have been worrying about my child outsmarting me sooner than anticipated. for example, he asked how when i order a movie on the computer (pay per view) - how it gets to the tv. i think i said something about satellites and technology. he totally bought it - phew. then that night he we were lying next to each other in his bed and as i was kissing him goodnight he said, "mommy", (and started touching above my eyebrow and around my forehead) how do dreams get right here?" "uhhh..", i said - "well, close your eyes. do you see the grinch? do you see the christmas tree? (the last movie we had watched) do you see mommy? well, that's in your brain. and even when you close your eyes and go to sleep, your brain keeps working." i was pretty impressed with my answer i must say. i should probably write a book entitled, "how junk works: explaining the complexities of life with a three year old mind...i mean, TO a three year old mind" so, here's my concern. he's three and i'm having a hard time answering his questions. what happens when he's 8? or 13? maybe i will use the, "how do YOU think it works?" answering his question with a question. then i will appear wise while encouraging a 'seek-your-own-answers' facade. yes, i totally have this mothering thing down.

Andrew and I. You don't know this, but he threw up approximately three times before we took this picture. What a good sport!

(Now you know why we aren't kissing in it).

"i want to go to there" - who's with me?!

When you're poor you hang a blanket over the piano

and borrow your dad's camera for a photo shoot.

Just way too cute.

Ian and his Papa. Boy do they love eachother.
Ian has called our neighbor "Papa" by accident exactly three times since we've been home.

I love that hair swirl on the back of his head. Not crazy about the bald patch.

Brittany Krallis Stapf and Owen Marshall Stapf

Ian, Mommy and Owen

Me and the boys - "all the boys are here" - as Ian says.

Sometimes he tells me about when Mommy was a little boy.

Ian Robert Stapf and Brittany Krallis Stapf back home in good ol' NC.

So cute it's a little disgusting.

I never got around to taking a foot print - but I'm crazy about this picture.

i should finish cleaning. the house looks pretty fantastic - my room on the other hand looks like a clothes-bomb went off. in my desperation to find a migraine pill, i MAY have dumped a few perfectly packed and folded suitcases. never did find the pills - i think i left them in nc. not to worry. the pharmacy took mercy on me once and my doctor took mercy on me today. small town living does have it's benefits.

so, rather than try to connect my random thoughts and stories i'm going to number them so that i will not have to segue from one thing to the next.

1. went to the creche (or for those of us who are not awesome enough to use "creche" in our everyday language would say), the LIVE NATIVITY at the church in raleigh. apparently the night before we went, 2,000 people came thru. way to go raleigh. more people filtered thru the stake center there than live in my whole county. so the live nativity was outside and the million little nativity scenes were set up in the cultural hall and the primary room had some cute stuff set up too. tried to get ian to dress up like joseph or a shepherd or an angel and have his picture taken, but he was not feeling it. anyway, in the center of the gym was one really big nativity scene - almost life sized. i bent down next to ian and said, "see ian, that's joseph and mary and baby jesus"...then i explained about the wise men and gifts and why we give gifts on christmas. i knew he had a pretty good grasp about what was going on so i thought i would test him. "see the one in the back ian? do you know who that is?" "yeah", he said very confidently, "it's the tooth fairy". as you can see, i'm doing a bang-up job on my eldest child. i relayed the story to some people at the "creche" and scott moore said it well when he confirmed that, "ahh..yes, the tooth fairy was there to usher in the birth of Christ". so i guess ian wasn't totally off.

2. ian and i did some decorating with our meager christmas decorations today. if ian doesn't become a professional wrestler i think he may have a future in decorating. we hung our dollar store bells from the tree and he kept saying, "okay mommy, stand back and look"...we would then step back to make sure they were balanced. i told him gold bells on the tree and silver ones in a bowl. next time i went in the living room he had put two gold christmas trees on the wood burning (not burning at the time) stove. symmetrically. then later moved them to the dining room windows. again, symmetrically. then he came in the kitchen and said he needed a bowl for the silver bells. gave him a christmas bowl (another dollar store find - because that is how we roll).. and forgot about it. later i was walking around the living room looking for it - and thinking "there is no telling where he put that bowl and the bells" - and was surprised to come across it on our kitchen table, which i had set with our christmas dishes earlier. it was perfectly centered. i was pretty impressed and may have gushed over him a wee bit. but just so you know, he is well-rounded, he can catch, throw and kick a ball better than almost any kid his age. i'm just sayin'...

3. went to my friend kim's house yesterday. you remember kim - the one who i was in the "band" with and also the one whose son cade came over my house only to have his feet mildly burned in our fire pit... anyway, you know what they say about payback.. so, kim has this beautiful house that she and her husband built. it has an amazing view and the yard is pretty much a boy's paradise. tire swing. big hills for sledding. dirt bikes and motorcycles, a dog that looks exactly like a wold, and all the fun toys a boy could have. now cade is roughly ian's age but the kid is tough. like fall-on-your-face-onto-the-concrete-off-a-tall-trampoline-and-not-shed-a-tear tough. so he and ian and another little boy went outside to play in the light dusting of snow we had. (don't worry, we're due for a blizzard this weekend). anyway, i was hoping they would just run around. but cade had bigger plans. he decided they needed to go sledding. down a very big hill in the yard. oh and did i mention the ramp? yeah, there was a plywood ramp - because sledding down a huge hill at three years old without catching air...la-ame. so cade goes a few times. and he is good. his first run he gets a running start and belly flops onto the sled. he knows how to kind of steer it and he always hits the ramp dead center and if something gets in his way...like a tree orr...let's say... a parked car, he bails. and so ian decided he will go too. i was nervous. i tried to tell him to start half way up the hill (brittany-style as i call it) and work his way closer to the top. he didn't agree with my method. apparently he is a "jump into the pool all at once" kind of kid. little did i realize that the sled ian was hauling up the hill was waaay heavier and thicker and faster than cade's sled. so ian starts at the very top and comes FLYING down the hill and hits the ramp - fast - and literally and i do mean literally, takes flight. he landed it - thank heavens!! - and eventually came to a stop with a slightly panicked look on his face. (even now as i think about it i can't stop giggling out loud. it was soooo awesome and scary). "okay", i thought - "that was good, let's call it day" - but i really didn't want to be THAT mom. you know, the kind of mom with tissues in her coat pocket so she can wipe her child's runny nose? he needs to do these boy things - i convinced myself. and so he goes again. same sled. flying down the hill at lightning speed. and i was standing with this little two year old kim was watching at the bottom of the hill to make sure he didn't get in the way. ian hit's the ramp again - but this time at a slightly different angle - and instead of going past us towards the left, he is going right. "right" toward my parked jeep and kim's beast of an suv. as i turn to see him blow by, i realize there is NO WAY he is going to stop before he gets to the car. and he has no concept of bailing. so he goes under the back left side of the car and comes to a jarring stop when the sled rams into the tire. i was running towards him - and he was sitting very still. i was sure his face was broken. his nose broken and bloody, his teeth gone, his cheekbones shattered. and by some MIRACLE and had cocked his head far enough to the side that somehow his face didn't ram into the bumper. i took the fast sled away after that. his first run on the slow sled he came to a stop on the wooden ramp - a very slow stop and he very gently rolled off the sled and onto the ramp. for some reason that brought the tears. a little bit later i went inside to check on owen and not a minute later i hear ian bawling. he had run into the cars again, but this time bumped his head. it was on the slow sled, but he had a little marble sized bump sprouting up. we went in the bathroom while he cried and cried and finally pulled it together. and shortly after, we left. "i am torn", i told kim as we left. "part of me wants to come over here all winter and hang out with you and let ian play with the boys and do fun winter things. and part of me wants to keep his arms and legs in one piece". it's a tough call.. ps. just for a description of kim's family...three boys and one girl. they are all like little action heros. they should have their own reality show. they take the kids rock climbing and white water rafting with them and the five year old is apparently amazing on a motercycle. oh and did i mention they are all beautiful and obviously super-fit? needless to say i feel spectacularely awesome about my chubby, clumsy coolness when i'm with them.

4. ian saw santa at k-mart while we were home. for $2 you can take a picture with a polaroid camera of your kid with santa and $1 goes to st. jude's childrens' hospital. ian sat with santa - who incidently has NO idea how to talk to children and smells like cigarette smoke and may have been on something...in case you were wondering. he asked ian what he wanted and ian asked santa if he could buy a transformer. as in, he asked santa's permission for ian to buy a transformer. he really does not get the santa concept. everytime he asks for something i say, "let's ask santa for it and see if he brings it" - ian counters with, "no. lets just go buy it at the store".

5. FINALLY get to see andrew tomorrow after 5 weeks apart!! i missed that guy. i am making a very special ribs and sweet potato dinner for him. and since my culinary skills rarely please him, i'm hoping very much to hit a homerun.

6. just checked on owen - who has been VERY fussy lately with an ear infection and not eating much. never kiss a sleeping baby. even though you think you want to. even though your lips start itching to kiss that little cheek or forehead or lips, DON'T DO IT. because then they stir and moan and change positions and you back out of the room tiptoeing, but it is often too late.

7. today dr. gustafson checked owen's ears and he started bawling, his hurt/mad cry. a few minutes later we heard a loud grunt/pouty sound and looked over at ian who was sitting in a chair with his arms folded across his chest, and clearly sulking. "ian! what's wrong?" i asked - in a you-are-being-rude kind of way. "doctor hurt my brober and i don't - like that!!" i love that kid. he is awesome.

8. almost this whole thing is about ian. i swear i have my own stories. my own life. really i do. as soon as i can think of something from it, i will share.

9. thank you again to annie hardison moody for our books from ghana. love the "fly, eagle, fly" book. it's a great story and the best part about it is that ian has fallen asleep three out of the four nights we've read it before i get to the end. does it make me a nerdy that i continue to read it all the way through so i can see how it ends?

10. while i was home i read "the invisible wall" - LOVED it! and the one that came after that. can't remember what it's called. "the dream" or something like that. this guy wrote them at 92 years old! his memoirs from england and then as an american immigrant. i highly recommend them. also started the 1000plus page "world without end" in nc and finished it today. i really like the stories and reading about the lives of these medieval peasants and royals and priors, etc... but follett's writing is kind of juvenile at times. every once in a while he throws in a big word for you, but his descriptions make me roll my eyes sometimes. still, i really did enjoy it. not every book has to be ayn rand i guess.

11. have a christmas shopping story i am looking forward to sharing. but as it will ruin andrew's present, i will wait. let's just say - i realized my age while out buying him a present. and it is not 17 my friends.

brittany. out.

NC

i am currently in north carolina visiting my
family for a month. i wish i could have come just a little earlier, when the state fair was in town. does it make me a redneck and a wee bit trashy that going to the fair is one of my favorite things to do in the whole world? i'm pretty sure it makes me cultured with sophisticated taste - but i can't really back that up. mmm fair corn dogs...funnel cakes...scary rides...corn dogs...fried oreos...livestock...people in overalls with racist bandannas...people with big chains and racist t-shirts...corn dogs...bears in horribly small glass cages...corn dogs...and the list
goes on and on.. i have yet to go to any other state's fair. a) i believe it would make me a sell-out and b) perhaps some of you would say the food is the same - it can't be! says i. southern fair food is on a whole other level - again, can't really back that up.

ian has pretty much had the time of his life. i think he just realized that daddy is not with us about two days ago. he is starting to really miss him. today he told me he was sad and missed daddy and that he needed to cuddle. but he has also claimed that EVERY day has been "the best day" or "a GREAT day". ian has been to the movies with papa twice, played at the indoor mall playground twice and jumped on the crazy harness trampoline at the mall once, eaten out, had more (mostly caffeine-free) soda than any child should, eaten out a few times and had what he called the best rice with soy sauce ever at a sushi place, gone out on the boat one last time before the boat retired for winter, caught a fish, bought a few new cars, played with papa's huge remote controlled jeep, watched transformers with papa (mommy wasn't going to let him but papa fast forwarded thru all the war stuff and scarier stuff and did a great fake laugh to let ian know it was indeed funny.. ian is still begging to see it again). ian will only allow memere to put him to bed - they have a pretty good routine going. basically he is going to go into lack-of-fun-shock when we get back to idaho. not that watching the snow fall and fall and fall and staying away from the wood burning stove aren't exhilarating activities.

owen marshall is getting bigger and starting to laugh a little and drool a ton. wish i could tell you more about him - but he has yet to do much more than that. he is rolling onto his side (not all the way over) but still - that's pretty exciting no? uhhh... his nails are like little razors and his hair has some random long patches. and... i'm out. that's all i got.

speaking of hair, as you can see i chopped mine off. the guy who did it was awesome! he was trained by vidal sassoon and lived in scotland in some kind of program with them. he is pretty high up in the hair biz but on tuesdays he does hair for half off - you know, to keep it real and hang with the not so elite clientelle. and that is why i got to go to him - thanks for keeping it real scott. this is what i know about him: he is straight, grew up around salons (his dad owns several and his mom did hair, loves amsterdam with a slightly obsessive level, wants to move there but couldn't leave his parents so he goes four times a year. i found this out when i said "oh, so do you try to go once a year?" to which he said, "i usually go about four times a year." to which i thought - "wow... you know you're poor when your mind doesn't even go to the place of people traveling to the same place abroad more than once a year."


highlights for me so far:
-hanging out with my sister-in-law tia ria (or aunt maria for those of you who no speaky espanol).
-going to d.c.
-madame toussand's wax museum - straight up high class yo.
-hanging with kim h.
-getting a free stone massage!!! can i get a whatwhat?!
-window shopping - ahhh...if only where i lived had windows for such a purpose...
-watching a few movies with my dad - who may be the only one is as into movies as me.

i can't think of any great stories right now. will post again soon. hopefully hanging with the following people soon:
-annie hardison moody
-annie howington
-emily williford black
-tammy edwards -can'trememberherlastnamerightnow-somethingwitha"y"i think
-juli helmer kilgore
-brandon fields
anyone else want to get in on that list??

Hot Feet

Some random pictures before we begin...

Owen looking tough kid gangsta. That's right, he could totally beat up your two month old... Go on... test him...

Ian took this picture. I think my face looks weird, but Andrew likes it.

This was taken way back in April - that is Cade on the far right, and again below. Just so you have a visual for the story you are about to read...

I should be sleeping right now. Everyone else in this house is sleeping, but I would rather make "the people" (that's all my fans out there) happy by giving them a new blog.

Today I hung out with my friend Kim and her youngest son Cade. (For those of you keeping track, Kim was on electric guitar in our band - scroll down several entries for some rad band pics). Anyway, Cade and Ian are the same age - although, Cade is a wee bit tougher than Ian. Okay FINE!! He's a LOT tougher than Ian - happy now?? But he has three super tough older siblings so it's to be expected. Anyway, Kim left and Cade stayed to hang with Ian. They were having a great time; running around the yard, taking turns on the bike and making pretend fires in Ian's little tent. (FYI - Cade may be tougher but his pretend fire was WEEEAK! Ian's on the other hand could have won a merit badge. I'm not kidding. He formed a rock circle, had a huge flat rock in the middle and crossed the little sticks for appropriate oxygen levels to get the fire started. So live with that Cade...live...with...that.)


I was in and out of the house and thank goodness I was outside when the trauma happened. Last night Andrew and Ian had a fire in the fire pit in our yard. So I'm talking to Tillia on the phone and the boys run towards the fire pit to get a Frisbee and I thought I saw Cade jump and the next thing I hear is horrible screaming/crying. I think I dropped the phone in the grass and went running over to find Cade (out of the fire pit thank goodness), but sitting down with his feet completely covered in dirt and ashes. And even worse he had on those sandal/sneakers with no socks. I pulled off his shoes and scooped him up (he is heavy, but I had the adrenaline and strength of a bodybuilder at that moment) and ran over to the hose (or spicket rather) and ran ice cold water on his feet. Then I picked him up again (this time he felt a little heavier - he is seriously a solid kid!) and carried him inside. By the time he stopped crying I realized my legs and hands were shaking a little. No permanent damage...maybe some psychological, but hey that's what therapy's for right? And hopefully he's young enough that he will not remember it was me and blame his mother instead. I spent the rest of his time here trying to make it up to him with the last Otter Pop, watching Dora the Explorer, letting him eat in the living room, coloring with chalk and making goofy faces at him which by the way, did not bring a smile to his face.


So, two valuable lessons learned here:
1 - do not jump into a fire pit... ever. even if it looks soft and sooty and inviting.
2 - little boys are... well, kind of stupid.


Alright, I don't want to be one of those annoying moms who thinks their kid is hilarious and tells stories that no one else thinks are funny... it just so happens my kid is in fact hilarious. Like, universally funny. He makes awesome faces, he can dance for reals or to get a laugh and when the time comes I am pretty sure the delivery and timing of his jokes will be dead-on. So, I just wanted to add some Ianisms (as i like to call them) that he has said in the past few weeks.

If you don't find these funny, then you either:
A) hate children
B) have no sense of humor
or
C) have been jaded by the world and/or my superior sense of humor.

And now I present...

IANISMS!

1) a few days ago a friend talked me into adjusting/cracking my neck. something i never EVER do and am kind of against... (anyone who knows the hendersons knows what i'm referring to.) But, I am constantly hunched over the baby and my neck and shoulders are killing...so, i agreed. And Dan (who is coincidentally Kim's husband, Cade's dad) adjusted my neck. He was sort of shaking it around to get me loose (because I could NOT relax it) and Ian RAN over to us and got in between us and said, "What are you doing to my Mommy?! YOU'RE BREAKING HER HEAD!" I was pretty impressed he tried to protect me.

2) the other morning i made ian and i this carnation instant breakfast/banana shake. you know how sometimes when you eat ice cream or milk - it can make you phlegmy and you start coughing? well, ian started coughing a lot. then he walked up to me and said, "this makes me cough. what is it?.... coffee (coughee) or somethin'?"

COME ON PEOPLE! THAT IS HUMOR.

3) i was holding owen - who was sleeping - and ian wanted to wake him up. when i asked why?, ian said he needed to show owen something. he was holding up one of owen's shirts and and looking at the tag and said, "see mommy! it has baby owen on it!" - it was actually a picture of the Gerber baby on the tag, but obviously the adorableness factor is the same.

4) this one is embarrassing...i know everyone in both my and andrew's families will judge us, but yesterday we were all sitting around in the living room with Seinfeld on in the background. andrew was laying on the floor, i was sitting on the couch with owen, and ian was building a city with his blocks. you know those progressive insurance commercials?
here is the link if you haven't seen it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itDejkU20Ig
it came on and no one was really paying attention - ian was completely focused on his blocks, but just as she says, "yeah, or a big tricked out (pause) name-tag", ian says "name-tag" in perfect unison with her. andrew sat up as fast as possible and we looked at each other while ian continued looking at his blocks. in fact, he never once looked up. yes, yes.. i know, i get it.. will be cutting back the tv time...

and in the interest of getting to bed relatively soon i will only share one more.

5) the other morning ian climbed in bed with me and i said, "morning buddy. did you have good dreams last night?" now, usually i don't ask him about his dreams. i used to, but he would always say he dreamed about snakes - i have a feeling he was lying because no one dreams about snakes every single night. anyway, he said - "yeah, i was THERE!" and i said, "you were where?!" and he said, "NOO Mommy, IAN was IN my dream!! iiii was there!!" it never occurred to me dreaming about yourself could be a brand new experience. and last night he said he had a dream that sweetie pie (for anyone who isn't familiar, again - scroll down and find sweetie pie entry) turned into a giant white bunny...like a transformer. it's his first real weird honest-to-goodness dream that he could articulate. those of you who really know me know i have the most vivid, crazy dreams anyone could imagine. and for some reason i am oddly proud of his cat to bunny transformer dream.

i know this entry started out with words being capitalized, but i got lazy... just deal with it people.

ps kim, if you read this...sorry i burned your kid's feet. and sorry i publicly called him (and all little boys) stupid.

useless dribble and palin

i feel the need to write - or purge - but i've not much to say. usually i have a little outline of what i want to write about before i blog. (don't you love using blog as a verb? or is it just me? oh..it's just me??) but tonight i come to you with no agenda. just me, in the dark, and the humming of the fridge and computer. speaking of.. i was lying in bed (laying or lying?) and really TRYING to get to sleep earlier - i turned off the tv at midnight, said my prayers and was determined to make tonight the night i get to bed before 2am. however...i kept hearing this buzzing/vibrating sound. like a cell phone vibrating rapidly and repeatedly, over and over and over. i checked the floor, my bed, me cell, andrew's cell - which he left here on accident - the tv, the nightlights around the house, the baby monitor and - nothing! couldn't find the source! so then i thought, maybe it's just in my head and i tried to listen to the fan and focus on that sound, but it was to no avail.... the buzzing continued. then i started hearing other sounds. then my heart started beating fast. then i got up and turned on the tv (because that always makes me braver). i checked on ian and sat down at the computer. i was on for a minute when i realized - the computer was vibrating!! this weird, barely audible sound that i SWEAR i was able to hear and feel in my room. if i were a superhero i would probably have supersonic hearing (i don't even know what supersonic hearing means or entails, but i'm pretty sure that's what i would have). one time i was living somewhere where i could hear this ticking - fast ticking that felt like it was in my brain. no one else could hear it but it was driving me insane. finally i found the source...it was one of those things that you plug in with this high frequency that humans aren't supposed to hear to drive away spiders and insects. "brittany", you say - "surely you jest". "no", i tell you. "this is a true story!"
i am starting to feel this blog is going downhill at supersonic (ha! didn't think i'd be awesome enough to use that word again so soon did you?...) speed. next time i will return to my outline.

what else can i write about?....

it's 1:15am exactly. i just fed owen a bottle that i "expressed" - i think that word is so lame. it's trying to make pumping milk from your breasts sound cool and smart so you don't feel like a farm animal hooked up to a contraption. so, having cleared that up... i just fed owen a bottle that i PUMPED and got him back to sleep. but now i can't sleep. i'm in the bad habit of napping everyday. andrew works nights, comes home and sleeps. then i wake him up sometime in the afternoon and i crash. it's a pretty sweet system we have going. i really need to make a change.

i signed up for some new features with our house phone today. and our bill for phone and internet will be $20 less a month. i now will get call waiting, 100 minutes long distance a month and most importantly... caller i.d.! that's right fools - i'm ascreenin'you now! now i just have to train ian to recognize certain names to not pick up the phone for. ian loooves to talk on the phone. he calls my parents and anyone else he can think of everyday on my cell phone. he knows that memere is #3 and papa is #4 and aunt t.t. is #6. it's been a great way for him to learn his numbers. however...he thinks all phones are programed like my cell and gets upset when he picks up the house phone and hits 4 and nothing happens. and when he sees a 3 or 4 on a paper or remote he says, "hey that's memere's number!" yesterday it was raining. we looked out the window and ian said, "wow, it's really raining". and i said "it sure is". and he said, (in a very serious and burdensome voice - like the weight of the world was on his shoulders), "hmmm... i better tell papa..." i'm sure my dad was pleased to receive the weather report from idaho while in north carolina.

ian has this big, super loud and obnoxious robot that walks and shoots little discs that my mom got him for $8. (thanks again mom...) the other day he was holding it with one hand under it's head, and one hand under it's back so it was parallel to the floor and he said, "mommy, this is how you hold someone when they die". to which i said, "where did you learn that???" to which he said, "in boise." it's sort of his fall-back answer when he can't remember something. "ian, where did you hear that expression?" "in boise". we don't go to boise often as it's an hour and a half away. and i'm pretty sure ian has never learned an expression or seen a dead person held there. but when in doubt, "in boise".
andrew has a trap set up on the back deck for a raccoon. it includes dog food, a plastic cup, a huge cage like thing and a long piece of twine that comes into the house for one of us to pull if something actually climbs in there. here's the problem. you would have to be in the laundry room to watch it and pull the string...a place we aren't in the habit of hanging out. and also...i don't want to catch a raccoon.

owen just woke up. so now i am holding him and trying to type with one hand.

i really like alec baldwin. i know he called his daughter a "rude little pig", but you need to hear his side of the story. he makes me giggle. and tina fey makes me laugh out loud. she is awesome. and tracy morgan makes me chuckle. pretty much i heart 30 rock. speaking of 30 rockefeller place, did anyone else watch that 20/20 or dateline or whatever it was about that french guy who pretended to be a rockefeller and jipped all those wealthy americans out of millions? it was pretty absurd and funny. he was french, people!! the french don't make rockefellers! did you know that the expression "jipped" is actually an ethnic slur? it relates to gypsies - and people saying they got "gyped" out of money. so i almost never use that term - except now, so that i could teach you all something. you see, when you come to my blog you get an anecdote and a lesson. you are all welcome.

my friend rachael and i fantasize about being the personal assistants to one - kathy griffin. we're pretty sure she would treasure us and our humor. and also we would laugh at all her jokes to make her feel good about herself. because often times comedians have low self esteem.
there is so much more i could go on about and give the masses who read my blog (thanks honey...) insight into, but my left arm is cramping up from holding this baby boy and my right arm is getting funny shooting pains and my milk is coming in right...this...very...second...

so, goodnight and God speed. no wait, i don't exactly know what "God speed" means... i think it means God Be With You, but i'm not willing to put money on that. which is good because one shouldn't gamble on something like that.

ahem (clears throat)... goodnight and - good luck.

also, will ferrell really cracks me up.

ps i will add some pictures to this tomorrow.... or "foomonow" as ian says.

pps every - and i do mean every - guy i have asked about governor palin seems to have a crush on her. is she universally hot? i mean, she's attractive, but she's no - jessica simpson. speaking of jessica simpson (you guys like that segue?!) i can sing better than her. i may not have the hot bod, or blond hair, or mental capacity of an 8 year old, but i am a better singer. this i know for sure.

Welcome to the World, Owen!

Okay, I am finally blogging the story of Owen’s birth…

Owen Marshall Stapf 7lbs 4oz 20 inches

It all began on a warm July day (insert magical, hazy imagery here) when I began having contractions every 8 minutes. Since I was not scheduled for a C-Section until August 4th and that was a week early AND my doctor assured me that it is very uncommon to go into labor before a scheduled C-Section, imagine my surprise.

Baby Girl's Room...all packed up now!

I called the hospital that evening and spoke with my Doctor who was on-call in the E.R. and I assured her that I did NOT want to come in that evening. She told me if they became more frequent or more intense to call back, otherwise take a Benadryl and go to bed. I one upped her and took a Benadryl and a Tylenol PM. I slept pretty well, but every time I woke up I would have another contraction.

The next morning, Andrew was supposed to go fishing with our neighbor and good friend Todd (who Ian calls Dot because he can’t say Todd). Andrew offered to back out but I didn’t want to over-react and told him to go ahead…especially since he assured me they would only be 30 minutes away (liars) and would have cell reception.
Talking to Andrew on the phone and telling him to get home...I may have been a wee bit misty eyed and a wee bit panicked...

Later I got up and let’s just say more was going on then I thought…I told my mom to call Andrew because I thought I was losing my plug. She called and told him not to come yet but we may be going to the hospital soon and he may need to get back but she would keep him posted. Unfortunately for the guys they had only cast their lines about 4 times at this point… my bad…actually, Owen’s bad. Then I hopped in the shower and I was positive something more was going on so I told my mom to call Andrew and tell him to get back immediately. More than AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER Todd and Andrew finally showed up. Andrew kept calling and telling me to go to the hospital (which FYI is about 40 minutes away) but I told him I was NOT going without him and I wanted him to shower so he didn’t smell like fish on our special day. It’s all about priorities people.

We finally got to the hospital and they hooked me up to a fetal monitor and sure enough they were anywhere from 6-10 minutes apart, “Yes! I’m not crazy!” I thought. However…they weren’t sure if they wanted to keep me or send me home. If you are FORCED to have a C-Section because of hospital policy then I personally think it is completely unfair to have to experience ANY labor! 4 hours of monitoring later I BURST into tears in front of a nurse because I thought, what if they send me home? I know I will end up back here, only this time we will be rushed and I really don’t want another horrific emergency situation like we had when Ian was born. The nurse went on the offensive for me and called my Doctor and then came back and said, “Dr. Gustafson is trying to assemble a team”. (Gotta love small towns...)

Daddy and Owen Marshall

A little while later the nurse came back and said, “Okay, you are scheduled for a C-Section today at 4:30pm”. At this point I had been having contraction still about 8 minutes apart for 24 hours. I was relieved and nervous and SOOO glad my mom had surprised me and flown in 4 days early!! Thank goodness she was there to take care of Ian and help us with everything.

Mommy and Owen

Soon after the nurses announcement they began prepping me for surgery. I may have been more nervous for the Spinal than the C-Section! They brought me into the O.R. and the head nurse, Dan and the anesthesiologist rolled me on my side and gave me the shot. It hurt. But it wasn’t as terrible as some others I’ve had.

Immediately they made me straiten my legs and switch beds so that my brain would know my legs weren’t still bent before I lost all feeling. Then my ribs began to tingle and slowly it spread downward until I couldn’t feel anything. I tried with everything I had to wiggle my toes (you know, just to make sure it was really working!) and to move my knees, but they were dead as could be. What a bizarre feeling. Finally, they let Andrew back in and everyone began getting into place. 3 doctors (one for baby, two for me), 4 nurses, the anesthesiologist, Andrew and myself – it was a packed room.
Looking over his little boy

Everyone asked what we were having and I confidently said, “a girl.” Then I told everyone how we had heard that the hospital had been wrong twice in the past six months about the sex of a baby and I may have said something along the lines of… "if this is boy we will sue!" To which the entire O.R. went dead quiet and I learned one should never say the word “sue” before a surgery to a bunch of doctors! I tried to cover after Andrew squeezed my arm and said, “Or at least I will have a strong talking to with the tech that did my ultrasound”.

The anesthesiologist then looked down at me (he and Andrew were by my head and the only people I could see) and said, “I’m happy, you know why I’m happy?” To which I said, “Why?” “Because they have already made the incision and begun”, he said. Then I was happy because I hadn’t felt a thing! A little while later the pressure began. I found out later I had a band of scar tissue that they couldn’t get the baby past. So this nurse was pushing (and I mean PUSHING) down just under my ribs to force the baby out. Andrew said that at one point she actually came up off her feet. Today, 11 days later is the first day I’m not aching where she pushed.
Memere and Owen

The anesthesiologist grabbed Andrew’s elbow and made him stand up to see over the curtain so that he wouldn’t miss seeing our baby for the first time. Andrew said, “I see her head! Ohh.. she’s so cute Brittany”… (again, I am looking up at Andrew’s face) then I see the he looks confused for a second – he kind of cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brows… then he GASPED and his eyes got huge and he put his hand over his mouth and nose. I said, “What? What?!!” although, oddly enough I knew it wasn’t something really bad… I think a part of me sort of knew from the puzzled look.

Ian and his little brother (who he is still referring to as "she")

The anesthesiologist looked at the baby and looked at Andrew, looked at the baby again and looked at Andrew and said, as serious as could be, “You need to tell your wife”. Other than hearing the baby cry once it was COMPLETELY SILENT in the O.R. – NO ONE was talking! Andrew said, “the baby is fine, it looks great, but… it’s… a boy.” Then, all the emotion I thought I would have at the birth of our child was sucked out of my body and all I could feel was SHOCK! I think I said some things like, “but we have a girl car seat! And a girl room!! And everyone has spent so much money on girl clothes!! And Rachael has been working of girl accessories for months!”

Owen was having a hard time breathing in the mean time, so Andrew went to be with the baby as they sucked out his lungs and worked on him. Again, other than the things they had to say to carry out the surgery, it was SILENT. Kind of like a black cloud settled over the Operating Room. I think everyone was worried I would freak out and start thrashing around or yelling “I sue you and I sue you and I sue you!” About ten minutes went by, which I needed to process everything. Part of me felt like I had been bonding with a little girl this whole time and I didn’t know this boy they were about to show me, but when they lied him down next to me and I kissed his little head I was fine. Until they took him away and then the freak out continued as I thought of all the people we had to tell – first and foremost, my mom - who had her own freak out!

Daddy and his little men

But here is the one really special thing about what happened. The first 19 weeks of my pregnancy, before I had the ultrasound, I told Andrew and my family that I KNEW we were having a boy! I felt as strongly as I’ve felt about anything that a little boy was waiting to come into our family. I told Andrew I just felt like I knew him and that if I was wrong, I would NEVER trust my intuition or spiritual inklings again! I do not claim to have strong spiritual insight into many things – it is VERY rare I feel 100% confident about something along these lines, but I was sure it was a boy. Until the ultrasound that is… Andrew and his parents can testify as to how shocked I was. And I thought, “I am in idiot – I have no more insight into matters of the future or answers to prayers or spiritual matters than… I don’t know… a duck.” (I’m on Oxycodone right now and duck is the first thing that comes to mind).

And now, I LOVE that I have two boys – not sure we will have any more little ones, but for the time being, my family feels complete. Two boys sound just right. I think maybe I was more excited about the clothes, bedding (as you can see!) and accessories that went with a girl then in actually having a girl. Andrew, although he has always wanted a little girl, is THRILLED to have another boy! He adores his little boy and is a phenomenal dad. He thanks me everyday for giving him Owen and he may have said, “I think he is the greatest thing to ever happen to mankind” (in addition to Ian of course!) …. Which makes me laugh~

So, that is the story of Owen Marshall (middle name named after Rita’s father, her maiden name) Stapf. Not Mya Stapf or Anderson Stapf like we thought, but Owen – who rode home from the hospital in the girliest car seat you’ve ever seen.

RANDOM THOUGHTS AND OBSERVATIONS: PART II

OBSERVATION - I have decided there are two types of people in this world…Leno people and Letterman people. Letterman people are funny. They appreciate good silly humor as well as deep, thought provoking humor. These are the people you want to be around…the life of the party, if you will. Leno people are not as funny. They laugh at the Letterman people because the Letterman people are the one making jokes. Sometimes Leno people are very intelligent, but boring and incapable of enjoying goofy humor…then again sometimes Leno people are not so smart…not so smart at’tall. I suppose there are a third “type” – those who watch neither and who have no opinion one way or the other – but really, who cares about these people?

Me 9 months pregnant. I had to set the camera up and hit the timer button because there is never anyone around to take pictures of me.

RANDOM STORY - The other night I had several bad dreams. I was watching Larry King a few nights before and he had those Psychic Kids from the show I believe called…”Psychic Kids” on. They must have freaked me out a little because I never dream about ghosts, but there they were, all over the place. Here is the scary part of my dream… Andrew is lying next to me in bed and I reach out to make sure he is there. Then, a minute later I reach out again and he is gone. I start calling him…louder and louder and more and more high pitched. I think maybe he is in our bathroom so I get out of bed and open the door and there is a little boy standing there…oh yeah…and he’s a ghost. I gasp and shut the door – then (and for some reason when I am REALLY scared in a nightmare it turns to rage) I open the door again, but I can’t see him so I start flipping off the room (thinking he is probably in there somewhere) – because nothing scares a ghost like giving them the finger. By the way…I don’t exactly give people the bird…ever…but apparently that did the trick.
So then Andrew woke me up and cuddled me (although as always when I wake him from his sleep he was secretly ticked off at me…ahhh – unconditional love…).

Ian and his cousin Landon hanging out at Andrew's parents. And Hallie in the backround...minding her own business.

RANDOM STORY/OBSERVATION - Today Ian was riding his bike and Andrew was near him. Ian started to fall and Andrew caught him just in time while the bike crashed. Ian called his daddy a super-hero. Then came inside and told me about it. Andrew made him repeat it a few times. Later, Andrew was trying to fix something with the sink and he pulled off this filter (which, FYI – I could have done) and Ian said, “Wow Daddy! You are such a big, strong man!” Ian is really good for Andrew’s self esteem.

Landon is a month older than Ian - but Ian towers over him - like an ogre...like Shrek if you will.

RANDOM INFO - I am dilated to 1cm. Can I get a WHATWHAT??!! I am scheduled for a c-section August 4th (that’s in 2weeks and 3 days…but who’s counting?), but I guess it’s possible I will go early.
OBSERVATION - I was home alone for several days and it was blissful. Does this make me a bad mother? Andrew and Ian went to visit Andrew's parents a state away and I decided that at 9 months I wasn't up to the drive. I had no car and only myself to entertain me (well, myself and the tv..and the computer) and we were all quite happy together. I did get together a few times with some friends because I am awesome and people just want to be around me. But for the most part it was just me...alone. I don't think I have been away from Ian for more than one night in the past 3 1/2 years. And the times I have been away from Andrew I was with Ian. Anyway, I think this whole 4-5 days alone thing should be something we try every...oh...two months...or at least every year. I'm just sayin'...something to think about.

Ian trying to do the Spiderman web-throw...not sure why but it makes him really happy...as you can see. He has not quite perfected the technique as you can also see.

RANDOM STORY - Two doctor's appointments ago I had gained about 5 pounds in two months and my doctor said...(and I quote)..."whoa, you've gained some weight". And I thought, "Listen you skinny, granola girl...if you think this is a lot of weight you should have seen me pregnant with Ian". So then the next visit I didn't gain anything and she was quite happy and asked me what I had been doing. I think i made up something about chasing Ian around and being outside more...but to tell the truth i have no idea why I didn't gain weight. It was just lucky happening. Then this last time I gained about 6 lbs. And when I looked at her with my guilty naughty puppy look she said, "Ohhh you're fine!" - all happy and encouraging. And here come the OBSERVATION part of my story... I think my doctor is screwing with my mind and emotions.

4th of July

I was pleasantly surprised with the hardcore parade this little town was able to pull off on the 4th. At one point we even had 3 jets fly overhead. It was one of the best parades I have ever seen...not that I'm really a parade girl, but still - it was impressive. Ian had a blast and got more candy than Halloween! But really how could anyone resist throwing candy from their floats towards such an adorable boy?...

Andrew had to work so it was just me and the boy...and my belly. We actually ended up skipping out on the fireworks that night because they didn't start until 10:30pm and we were worn out. There's always next year...

Anyway, here are a bunch of pictures from the parade if anyone is interested... Not going to post it because it's kind of boring but there was a big Republican float that kind of blew the Democrat float out of the water...not that that's surprising here in Idaho...land of the diverse...and by diverse I mean white Republicans who all like to hunt and fish and like to talk about - you guessed it - hunting and fishing...you know, not to stereotype...

My shocked husband informed me that i may not have been using my best motherly judgement when letting my child put a boa around his little neck...he may have compared it to giving him a loaded gun and then telling him smile. I can only say it truly NEVER crossed my mind that this could be dangerous. I plead insanity by pregnancy.
Airshow! Kind of...
Marilyn Monroe and other celebrities...not sure why...

Ian yelled, "Mommy, Look at the PIRATES!!!" basically if they have a hat and some kind of weapon then he considers them a pirate!

Deep in Thought.

Needless to say...we got soaked!

One of Ian's favorite floats!

Ian's FAVORITE truck in the parade!

Tillia, I know you play Bunco...just wanted you to see the crowd you would be hangin' with if you lived here.

LDS Float!

Ian clutching some candy.

My little street beggar...he learned very quickly how to get the good stuff!

Cascade Beauty Queens...Cascade Drag-queens actually. I would LOVE to see a real drag-queen here! I can't even imagine the reactions they would get!

Smoky the Bear says, "Only you can prevent forest fires!"

After 10 lbs of candy, being soaked by the firetruck, a snowcone, otter pop and lots of sun...i think it is ready to call it a day!

The big finale with all the horses.

June...in a Nutshell

This may be my least humorous blog to date because...well...i guess June just wasn't a very funny month. Let's see:

- Ian got a bike

- Ian ate a big cookie

- We went to the Lake a few times, (it's about 5-10 minutes from our house which is nice)

- We celebrated Father's Day

- Ian joined a Book Club through the Library that I have yet to follow through with

- And...uhhh...i got fat

So there you have it. June in a nutshell.

New Bike! He is such a big kid~ Thank you Thank you Thank you Papa!

At a party eating a cookie. Food makes this kid SO HAPPY. Guess he really is my son~

Father's Day - I saw an idea to make a card with a tie for Father's Day, but since Andrew doesn't wear a tie to work, i thought this was more appropriate. I spent hours upon hours upon hours on this stinkin' card! I took pictures of Andrew's uniform and sized and printed out his badge and walkie-talkie and name tag and found the perfect flag online and tried to space everything symmetrically and yet...and yet....it still looks like a 5th grader made it. Maybe even a 4th grader.

See that face Andrew is making? (If you click on the picture you can really get a good look). That is his, "I'm humoring my sweet wife by taking this picture but i am really DESPERATE to turn around and watch the Laker Game" face.

Tried to get some Father's Day pictures in the field two houses away from us on our way to church for both our dads. Unfortunately it was more like a marsh and the mosquitos were horrible! It was about a 90 second photo shoot.

NERD ALERT! You don't even want to know how long they looked for "treasure" with Todd's metal detector!

I know I should be mortified to post this picture....but (no pun intended) seriously it is so adorable I can't help myself!!

Fishing at the Lake

Our men dug some holes for Cheryl and I so we could fit our pregnant bellies face down. It was blissful to lay on my stomach for a few minutes!

Ian and his bud, Bryce at the Book Club.

Amazonian bugs - like seriously straight from the amazon. They were the size of birds.

Ian's response to Amazonian bugs.

Ian "helping" Andrew mow the front lawn - with his water gun...

My African American Son: Don't tell Andrew, he thinks the boy is his.

Today Ian found a spider and asked me to kill it - unfortunately we find them several times a day inside the house... As soon as I killed it he said turned to me and said, "THANK YOU!! Thank you my Prince!" In his defense - he watched Bambi today and my mom swears they say that in Bambi.

So Ian and I just made a trip to our local thrift/junk store to look for an answering machine and Ian hit it off with this kid who was hanging out there - (I think his mom or grandma works there or something). They ran around hiding and shooting unfilled water guns at each other. Ian has never played this game before and it was pretty much one of the best things to ever happen to him. The little boy - who I would guess is about 10 or 11 took Ian outside to see his new adorable puppy - who I coincidentally had to take an allergy pill because of - and when he came back in he said, "I can really hear his accent!" I had mentioned I was from North Carolina so I thought he was referring to a Southern accent...which was still pretty funny since Ian has spent most of his life between Florida, Washington and Idaho. So i said, "Oh yeah?" And the kid said, "Yeah! Let me guess?... African American!!" Of course I started cracking up and said, "No, not African American". Apparently the kid was dead serious because he looked like I had smacked him after I started laughing. Then the rest of the time we were there he proceeded to speak to us in a Cockney accent - that's when I decided to go. Ohhh children of Cascade. So worldly~

After that we ran to the grocery store - Ian was desperate for a toy - what else is new?? - and said he wanted this horse...or I should say Cowgirl/Horse Set. Here you can see him brushing the horses hair. I thought it was so funny he wanted it i spent the $2 and got it for him. Don't worry dad... I know how you feel about him playing with "girl toys" and 5 minutes later he said he wanted a boy riding the horse. Although that didn't stop him from primping his new pony!!

Andrew found an injured bird in our yard the other day - we think it was a baby, but not sure. He could NOT kill it - and we all know I wasn't going to! So we called Andrew's mom - the animal expert - to help us figure out what to do. Andrew had put it in one of Ian's teeny tiny wagons with grass and nest stuff and we gave it some bread and water (as you can see in the picture) but it wouldn't eat of course. Anyway, Rita suggested a painless way of killing it - that involved car exhaust. Which was a really good idea, but short of sticking it up the tail pipe - we weren't really sure how to accomplish that and Andrew just really did not want to kill his new friend. Andrew wanted to keep it inside since it's cold out - but i convinced him it was an "outside" bird and would be okay... my bad. So he left it outside in its little wagon home. The next morning he took Ian out to check on it and.....it was four times its size and floating in rain water. Andrew convinced Ian that it was going in the trashcan to get better. Ian thinks it's resting in there and then is going to fly away. So I guess nature took it's course... with a little unintentional help from us... Hope it drowned quickly. So sad and also kind of gross.

Saturday Ian and I went on the 35 minute drive to the "good" grocery store. We were there FOREVER! Here he is ready to go. He looks like a such a big kid in his backpack. By the time we left the store he was almost in tears saying, "Mommy, I want to go home and take a naaaap!" Can you feel the excellent parenting skills I'm sending your way??

This huge firetruck was parked outside of the grocery store and one of the firemen let Ian go inside it - I happened to have my camera for just such a photo emergency!

Here Ian is playing with this very cool remote control snowmobile our very cool neighbor Todd gave him.

Ian is sort of crazy about Todd! - seen below - He has accidentally called him "Daddy" a few times. Todd's wife, Cheryl is due just a few weeks before me with a little girl. Ian is constantly asking to walk over to their house. We all went to see "Iron Man" the other night (which I was extremely nervous to take Ian to see...but was even more nervous to leave the clingy little momma's boy with sitter) and Ian fell asleep within the first 15 minutes! I promised him when "Kung Fu Panda" came out (he is OBSESSED with the previews!) that I would take him to see it. Only now he thinks we can't go to the movie without Todd and Cheryl. Like it is just not allowed or something.

Here is Ian with our new Sit-n-Stroll Stroller and our new car seat and one of Ian's monkeys dressed up in the baby's clothes and socks...you know...just to make the experience feel more authentic... What can I say?...we have a LOT of time on our hands here!

And finally, Ian thinking he still fits in his LeapFrog bouncy seat. He spent a solid two days buckled into this thing. I've definitely noticed some regression as of late. Let's hope he doesn't regress too much when the baby actually gets here!

Family Reunion Preface...

was not able to line up all the captions under the photos and center them...it is driving me INSANE. But I have spent hours on this stinking blog and I am done. So please overlook the errors. AAGGHHHHH!

Family Reunion...

Maria, Brandon, Tillia (w/baby girl), Brian, Andrew, Me (w/bigger baby girl), Mom and Dad out for dinner at Yopana's. Brian was a little grumpy we made him take the picture IN the restaurant. What's up Brian?...do we embarrass you or something??

Andrew and I - in my 7th month of pregnancy...let's get this thing done!

So I just got back a few days ago from our official Krallis Family Reunion…don’t worry, we didn’t have t-shirts made – (we’re not that kind of family!) It was an eventful few days to say the least. Let’s start with me and my genius pregnant brain shall we?.... Lately, things are just NOT connecting for me…and while some of you would perhaps say, “Oh Brittany, things have never connected for you” (shut up Brian and Brandon) it is truly at an unprecedented level as I get closer to the end of this pregnancy. Here’s my most recent example. Yesterday I went to the grocery store in town…the one and only grocery store in town which coincidentally I loathe with all my soul. You have to check EVERYTHING to make sure it’s not already expired and the prices are pretty much what I used to pay in Hawaii for groceries…but guess what folks…this is NOT Hawaii. Anyway, being the health nut that I am (okay that’s a lie) I opted for pretzels rather than chips. Of course I was going with the generic brand and I am pulling out bag after bag after bag that is expired. So now my blood is boiling a bit - and since they were on the bottom shelf I seriously considered leaving them all over the floor – but at the last minute threw them all back onto the shelf – disheveled and not looking pretty (that’ll teach ‘em). So I bought the more expensive brand that didn’t expire until next month. Later, I was voicing my frustration to my mom and told her how every bag expired Aug 1st 08 – to which she informed me that August had in fact not yet occurred this year. My bad D9 Grocery Store! And so I was left with a more expensive bag of pretzels that actually were not as fresh as the others. Okay, back to the Family
Reunion. Here are a few of my finer moments:

- Leaving the HEAVY iron on the ironing board…in the narrow hallway…by the girls’ room…plugged in…with the cord stretched across the hall where 5 kids were running back and forth for hours. Tillia smelled something burning and sweetly (with a few words like moron and idiot thrown in) informed me of my mistake.

- Turning on the gas stove for my dad to cook us some taco shells, but forgetting to make sure it ignited…4-5 minutes later my dad walked over and the smell of gas leaking may have caused him to yell, “BRITTANYYY!” pretty loud. Really relieved I didn’t kill us all. Not your goal for a family reunion.

The whole family after dinner on Brian and Tillia's Deck

- This one is actually really embarrassing. I like sushi. Don’t get it often in Idaho, but it’s such a treat when I go home to North Carolina. So…just the adults went out for dinner one night to this awesome sushi/steak restaurant. Yopana I think it was called – in Lehi, Utah. I’ve had edamame before…you know…I’ve been around the block. So that was the first thing to come out – and they looked delicious coated in salt and just waiting to be eaten. For some reason (I mean really, if I was confused I could have looked at everyone else at the table – but I didn’t feel confused at the time) I popped the whole thing into my mouth and ate it. Stem and all. Later, when I confessed, my family yet again seemed semi-sorry to have me around. I still can’t believe I did that… and it’s always worse when you’re sitting across from Brian who kind of rolls his eyes and shakes his head and lets out his famous, “Oh my Gowwsh” under his breath. Don’t worry though…I was able to power through the rest of the meal and ate TONS of perfect sushi and half a Kobe Steak. Okay, perhaps my last piece of sushi I had to spit out into my fancy napkin (sorry to whoever shook that out later) because Brian said he wouldn’t tell us what was in it until after we ate it. That was enough to psych me out though and it was my first gagging experience in quite a while – (I’m keeping food down pretty well these days…just ask the nurse who weighs me). Turns out it was covered in Flying Fish Eggs. Tillia actually ordered a side of the bright orange eggs just to spread on other things.

Brandon and Maria - looking like a little hot tamale!

Alright, now on to Ian. A few days before we left I took Ian to the doctor in case he needed to get on antibiotics before we left. They said he was fine…liars! Two or three days later my parents were concerned enough to insist I bring him in while we were there. Tillia’s neighbor directly across the street is an E.R. Doctor and agreed to look at Ian for a bowl of Salsa. I wasn’t sure I wanted to part with my dad’s salsa, but agreed it was probably the “motherly” thing to do. So he listened to his chest and back and checked him out and said he either had the beginning of RSV or Pneumonia. Poor Ian was miserable most of the trip. He had NO energy and could barely make it up the stairs without me helping him. He tried to walk up a hill near the playground and had to start crawling. He was the clingiest little boy you have ever seen. He even sat outside the shower while I showered because he wouldn’t let me out of his sight. Which sounds sweet and sad but in reality can make you want to scream “I NEED SOME SPACE!” I know…you’re thinking, “You sure you should be bringing another child into this world?” She’ll be fine! So Ian was exhausted, sick, intolerant of other children, and pretty much a joy for all to be around. Here were some of Ian’s finer moments:

My Sick Boy

- Biting – HARD – Claire who isn’t even two yet because they were both looking at a sit-n-play thing baby Caden had been playing in and they both wanted to touch the little rattles and things on it. Ian is not a biter…not too long ago I was thinking how glad I was we never went through that phase with him. Boy did he make up for it with one arm bite! He bit SO hard that he left individual teeth welts and it is a wonder he didn’t break the skin. Then he sat in timeout for 45 MINUTES because he flat out refused to to apologize to Claire. In fact, she came in the room twice and tried to hug Ian and possibly apologize herself because she is usually the biter and knows the routine, but Ian was not having it. Finally, many tears later he was able to issue a hug.

Ian, Leland and Papa

- Tillia gave all the kids scissors and paper (kid safe scissors of course – which ian had never seen because I let him use real scissors with my help)…so they are all sitting at the kitchen table snipping away and I am sitting there with them looking at one of Tillia’s magazines thinking – “Finally, magazine time!” and after a minute or two I glance up to see Ian snipping their custom blinds!! Not the string that pulls up the blinds…oh no, that would be too easy. He has snipped in about 7 places the strings that run through each blind – so now they are hanging there only connected to the back and looking quite pitiful. I was SICK to my stomach – it was all I could do not to cry. (Rita, if you’re reading this I’m sure you are thinking, “thank goodness I don’t have blinds Ian could destroy the next time he’s here”. I ate a hot dog…or two…you know, to settle my stomach…and I gave Ian a lecture that will hopefully take.

Ian and Papa - boy does Ian love him!

Caden Diego - Just the most precious baby boy ever.

Clairebear in all her cheesing-I-love-the-camera glory!

- There were several other "fine" moments Ian had this trip that made us proud to call him our son....but here he is at Jen and Stan's house (it's not ALL about the Krallis cousins after all!)

Unfortunately Ian rejected a rather sweet kiss from Abby. Here you see her rejecting him for rejecting her (Jen is teaching them all the proper ways of womanhood). Of course Ian was oblivious and onto more important things like mooning the camera while Abby was still teaching him a lesson.

Abby, Ian and Sweet Sammi

The highlight of the trip for Andrew was probably the hike that he, Brian, Brandon and my Dad went on. It was STRAIGHT up a mountain into a cave with a tour guide waiting. Think Andrew was in his element??... I hear he veered off the path and stood close to the edge. That's my man - what can I say. The highlight of the trip for the girls was probably the going to the outlets at Park City. My mom was sweet enough to let Ian come to her hotel and watch him all day - since there was NO way he was letting me out of his sight for some babysitter - and watch movies, color, play, and rest. Ohhh Park City... such wonderful shopping. Maria said it was literally one of the best days of her life... (Brandon, maybe you should let her get out more!) Tillia was quite successful with her treasure hunt as well. Two sexy pairs of shoes, a FABULOUS black Guess purse and wallet and many, many purchases later - she considered it a success. But then again, saying Tillia was successful at shopping is like saying the sun will come up in the morning. Here's a funny side story...Brian and Tillia moved to Utah a year ago I believe and Tillia came home oneday to say, "Brian!! Did you know there are awesome outlets in Park City?!" To which Brian sighed and said, "Oh you found out huh?..." Turns out he had already been THREE times! He's a bit of a shopper himself. Sneaky man...


So, all in all...it was a good trip. Maybe we'll try it again next year. I ate some good food, put on a few more pounds, and learned all the ways I am failing in teaching my son to be socially conscious of others. Yeah for the Krallis Family Reunion!

Ian's Calling

Last night was the branch Lyp Sync. I wasn't planning on doing anything until a friend said she would "perform" with me...and then another friend joined our rockalicious group. I cannot tell a lie...we were awesome. Pretty much the highlight of the night for all involved. Kim was on electric guitar (she plays for real so that gave us some street cred), Julie was on drums and half way through the performance she shot TONS of confetti out of her sparkly drum sticks, and I...well, do you really have to ask. I was the lead singer...or rather lead lip singer. I tried all my sexy moves in front of a mirror before the show and have come to the conclusion that no matter how well you can swivel your hips and get down, it's just not cool looking with a huge pregnant belly. In fact, you actually come across as ridiculous. So I did without the sexy moves but was still rockin' pretty hard. So hard in fact that the Branch President asked Andrew if I was on drugs. All in good fun though! We were the only ones to get crowd participation and they all clapped along, desperately wanting to jump up and show their moves in the aisles...(i could see it in their eyes). The only mishap was when I took off my Aviator glasses and threw them into the crowd and may have accidentally hit Kim's daughter with them - who for some crazy reason wasn't looking at us! Andrew was pretty impressed with the whole thing. He asked me to perform all my moves again when I got home, but sadly i could not. It was a one time thing.

And now, on to Ian...who truly, TRULY may have had the best night of his life. He has never seen a stage or semi-live music performed or people dancing and performing and the kid was in his own world! From the moment we got there he was asking to go on stage and dance! So we decided to let him dance when it was our turn. He turned it out! NO FEAR. He rocked his sunglasses and hopped up on stage like he was a pro and danced for our entire song - (he was also a big hit with the fans). The rest of the night (before and after his stage debut) was spent dancing with his friend Bryce in the back of the gym, begging to go onstage for everyone else's performance, and chasing Bryce around. Here is a little video of Ian practicing his moves. This isn't even his best work...but you get the idea.

And here is a picture of Ian and Bryce. After Ian's performance Bryce ran up to me and said, (and I quote!) Ian was SO AWESOME! My heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode in my chest!!" Now that's a friend.

And in case some of you have been dying to know the song we did - it was "I Want You to Want Me" by Letters to Cleo. A little girl power. Rock on people, rock on...

Oh...and to Miriam. Congratulations on your beautiful little boy!!! (He really is beautiful - i have photographic evidence)...not that any of us had any concerns with the most beautiful couple as his parents. I love you and I love little Grayson~

Blog 201 (aka New and Improved)

So...guess who now knows how to give her blog a spiffy back round and who can also add pictures UNDER her blog instead of to the side?...Athatwouldbe -me. No, please...hold your applauds until the end. Now I can write things like: And here is a picture of Ian playing with beans. I looked on a website for fun activities for three-yr olds and thus the bean idea was born. I felt very mom-like buying beans for my son to measure and play with. He is a big fan.

And here is a picture of my special, special boy...who spent hours in these goggles, with his new spider-man underwear, no pants, awesome shoes from Tia Maria with little skulls on the back and a dirty band-aid on his knee.

That's right...do you see what's going on here? I am writing about the pictures UNDER the text. Okay, you may give me a standing ovation now if you're heart desires. (And a special thanks to Emily Black - without whom - none of this would be possible).

Just a few random thoughts...

Random Thought #1
My pictures on the blog used to be crystal clear (scroll down and you can see that) but now when I post them they are blury. This patrol guy changed the setting on my camera and I'm not sure how to change it back. It bothers me greatly. GREATLY.

Random Thought #2
Who, who I ask leaves a bowl of macoroni and cheese in - the - bathroom?... A three year old perhaps?... Oh no, not in my case. In my case it would be my husband. Who sometimes eats in there. and if he is embarrassed by my writing this then perhaps he should change his ways. It's not even a regular bowl because heaven forbid he use anything NORMAL SIZED. Oh no, it is a giant mixing bowl. And a giant spoon. He is very particular about which utensils are used with which meals. Only the smaller sized forks and spoons are used at all the wrong times...from spaghetti to rice to macoroni and cheese. And his favorite glass is a jar (like the glass kind you put homemade jam in)...well I don't because I don't know how to make homemade jam. But you get the idea. Am I way off in being bothered by these things? ALSO, he eats goldfish crackers in milk with a spoon like it's cereal. That one actually doesn't bother me so much any more, although it does waste a lot of goldfish crackers at once. Also, he tends to randomly come home with Costco sized boxes of the weirdest things. The latest of which is sitting above our cabinets in the kitchen. A giant box of Moon Pies. Gross, old marshmallowy, cardboard tasting Moon Pies. Who in their right mind can even eat 4 Moon Pies? Does anyone really need a cafeteria size box? But regardless, Andrew - if you read this - I do love you. Happy early Valentine's Day...blah blah blah.

Random Thought #3
Does anyone else experience night sweats when pregnant? Like disgusting, dripping down your chest, neck, legs, face, onto your pillow, sheets, and quilt night sweats... I wash sheets every other blasted day - sometimes every day. You know it's bad when the smell of your own sweat in the morning is often what actually induces the vomiting. My mom says perhaps I shouldn't share so much info on here, but as I can't see your faces when you read this to see how grossed out you may be, Oh Well.

Random Thought #4
My son refuses to poop on the toilet.

Random Thought #5
Just finished The Pillars of the Earth. Gritty, long, interesting but not for those with weak stomachs. Almost put it down at one point because I wasn't sure I could read about one more rape, torture, murder, beating, children dying, etc...but I powered thru. Glad I did. Good ending. Grisly of course, but good. Also, is it weird for anyone else when family members recommend a book to you with sex in it? It's very unsettling to think..."hmmm my mom read this" or "my younger brother read this". Very unsettling indead. Also, I am yet again glad I was born at this time. Those Medieval Ages were a real drag.

Random Thought #6
My friend Rachel and I are thinking of starting our own - don't know the proper term....website, blog, chatroom? Forum where we are in charge and control the conversations, and people respond. We are full of useful information and deep thoughts so it only seems natural to share our wisdom with the masses. Plus, Rachel might be the funniest female I know. Next to me.

Random Thought #7
I am a little freaked out to have a scheduled C-Section. I know millions of women do it. And I've had plenty of surgeries. But I've always had the pleasure of going to "sleep" first. True, with Ian they had to choke me to make me pass out before they started the c-section (true story), but still, I was "asleep". The thought of being awake while they cut into me, and pull out a big baby and all that other junk kind of makes me - oh... i don't know.... want to hit myself in the head with a hammer just before they get started. And bonus, my Doctor isn't even an OBGYN. She is a young (very cool and nice) but young Family Practice Doctor. No OBGYNs out here. Hopefully Andrew won't hit the floor when they get started.

Possible other Random Thoughts to follow...

Barefoot and Ugly

Haven't written in a while for a few reasons: a) too sick to sit more than a few minutes at the computer b) when you live in your pajamas in a cave - there just isn't that much to say...

So this baby I'm carrying is mean. If I could get a 4D ultrasound, I'm pretty sure we would see it sticking out it's tongue at me or making a mean gesture. I've been dressed - hair done, makeup on - all of once in the last three weeks or so. To go to the doctor 40 minutes away. That was a fun drive. Normally I would have been so excited to get my first ultrasound but I was dreading the drive. Ian kept us pretty entertained the whole time though I must say. While I was getting my ultrasound - we tried to show Ian the baby, but it basically looks like a big black circle with a little peanut at the bottom. Ian said, "Is that the baby's mouth?!" Then he would randomly hop up out of his chair and say - "I not scawed - I not!" Which of course meant he was a little scared. I had to try so hard to keep my belly still because Ian kept making me laugh. He also jumped up to say "Mommy I want a boy baby". Then as we got back into the car I started...well almost throwing up into a big Ziploc bag. Ian was getting into his car seat and put his hand on my shoulder and said, "You okay honey?"

The other night I was trying to convince Ian to stay in bed and stop calling for me because I wasn't feeling well and needed to lay down. He said, "The baby hurting you?" and I said, "yes, the baby is making me a little sick" - then his eyes got wide and he started making crab hands and said, "It the baby PINCHING YOU?!" Ohh...Ian.

Anyway, not much else to talk about. We have about 28 ft. of snow outside...or something close to that. The mail lady let me have it yesterday because we forgot to dig our mailbox out - they can't even see it right now. I think they are holding our mail for ransom.

In case anyone needs a visual of me as I type this...just let this picture sink in and rock your world. Pajama bottoms with poodles and Eiffel Towers all over them, a pink sweatshirt, a blue bandanna - tied on rocker style. No makeup. Barefoot and pregnant. You're welcome~ That is pretty much what Andrew gets to see every day. The pj bottoms and sweatshirts vary - as does the bandanna. But the makeup-less face and bare feet are a constant. He's a lucky, lucky man...

Still May Vomit....

Not really sure who all checks this out. Sometimes I feel like I am just writing to space. Space...here was my day:

- Made a REAL trip to Boise with a friend.
- Went to Deseret Book, Babies-r-us, Petsmart (saw two large white doves for sale - which is something I've never seen before. My theory is they just couldn't make it work with their magician owner...or illuuusionist owner), Sportsman's Warehouse, and the mall. Spent a total of 3 hours on route to Boise and home and another one or two making the rounds.

Highlights:
- Ian almost destroying not one, but two families Christmas pictures with Santa. He was in his stroller and saw these HUGE snowmen that rotated - one had a fishing rod with giant fish on it which now that I think about really makes no sense at all. Must be a Boise thing... Ian saw them from his stroller and yelled...and I mean yelled...."I GET OUT!!!" He ran past the line almost in front of the photographer and stared in awe at the giant snowman. He came back to me a few times - but I guess it just didn't feel right and made a bee-line for the snowgiantman again.
- Ian trying to steal a wise man and a camel at Deseret Book.
- Buying a new journal. After only....6 years....i have finally finished my black leather journal (I was in a black, leather "place" when I bought it 6 years ago). Now I am in an awesome-magnetic-flip-open-original-Shakespearean-text-on-the-cover "place". Also my new journal is just ridiculously awesome. Flip. Open. Flip. Closed. Brilliant. While I think the Journals with various painting of Christ on the cover are beautiful...I feel like I can't write all my true feelings. Like if Christ is on the cover then you probably shouldn't complain about womanhood, motherhood, wife..hood, anything angry or inappropriate. I'm sure this says some very unpleasant things about my true intentions and personality. But alas...I have a cool journal to console me.
- Eating at the Olive Garden. Once upon a time the Olive Garden was a mediocre restaurant that was 6th or 7th down to P.F. Changs, El Dorado, Cassadoria, etc... After living in the township I am in and eating only at home and mom and pop restaurants for several months. I was truly - TRULY - in state of euphoria. Bread sticks - fantastic. Calamari - yes please. And the Salad...oh the Salad. Even when I was well past full I convinced myself that eating more salad was just the right, nay, healthy thing to do. Had I not feared judgement I would have sucked the dressing off all the lettuce and then licked the unlimited-salad bowl. But I showed restraint. I'm not an animal after all.
- Miriam calling and telling me what she is having! Congrats if you read this Miriam! Which you probably wont because it's just me and Space and here.

Lowlights
- Ian's tantrums after going almost 10 hours without a nap. Oi.
- The snake in the pet store was VERY active and I could see it's dinner in it's boa body. Gave my the heeby jeebies and a flutter (not the good kind) in my heart.
- Trying not to throw up on the drive up and back from Boise. The way up was worse. It is the windiest - that spelling doesn't look right - wyndey, winde, whinedy hmmm - let's go with - whinediest road ever and...for those who don't know.......i am...with child, "preggers" - man I hate that expression. It's so dumb. It's like, hey - i know - lets make pregnancy; nauseous, vomiting, sweaty, fattening, exhausting, painful breasts, stretch marks, clumps of hair falling out, gassy, small bladder - pregnancy ADORABLE - and call it "preggers". Idiots.
I have a hard time waiting the patient and "proper" three months to tell people. In part because I am not a patient person, in part because why wait to tell people you love (and Andrew gets almost as excited to tell family and friends as I do) and in part because I want to hurl most of the day and there is just no way for me to hide that. Also, for some, (and I'm not naming names here) it is hard to hide the emotions...or "hormones" if you will. Which may in part explain the euphoria mentioned at Olive Garden earlier today. We found out a week ago and so far Andrew and I have been in 116 fights. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. But apparently I am slightly "on edge" and "irrational" and "moody". Nonsense I say! Sometimes you just feel like crying when discussing the differences between traveling to China and traveling to Africa or deciding if you want Thai Peanut Dressing on your salad. I mean really, ANYone would tear up over these things. Irrational. HA!

Okay, I am tired and getting nauseous. So far my biggest problem is that I truly don't feel hungry at times but the only way the nausea goes away is when I eat. A dangerous cycle let me tell you. When I was pregnant with Ian I gained...well...a little weight. Something like 470 pounds. Well, it felt and looked like that anyway. I was convinced...CONVINCED...that he was going to be HUGE. "This baby's going to be a big one!" I would say. "Probably 13 or 14 pounds!" When he came out a measly 7.14 I was not impressed with his development. All that eating I did for him and he barely took advantage of it! "My bad" I would tell people. It felt like a 13 pounder but looking back that must have just been the McDonald's Quarter Pounders with cheese and no pickles meal (or a number 2 for those of you in the know) lumping together in my stomach and sticking to various parts of my body. Okay...making...myself...sick. Must....eat....and....then go sleep it off.

Later space. Until next time.

Once There Was a Snowman

I finally made a trip into the big city an hour and a half away. I spent about two hours in Super Wal-Mart trying to make our money ssssttttrrreeeetchhhh. Andrew took Ian to Cabellas to enjoy the finer things so that I could have Wal-Mart all to myself. Finally, with a full cart and a line behind me I began checking out. I needed a styrofoam cooler and a bag of ice for the cold stuff since it is such a long drive back so I grabbed that while the older lady continued to scan my goods. I put in some ice, put in some milk and other things, more ice and realized I would have to a get a second cooler. I picked up the full cooler to put in the cart and CRACK. It broke in half. The milk fell to the ground. Ice went EVERYWHERE and I have no doubt my face turned bright red. The scanner lady was only half done with my things at this point. Panic set in as she tried to find a manager and helpers to assist in my mess. I grabbed more ice, more coolers and finally someone took all the people behind me to another line. Andrew was still 15 minutes away and there were three older employees bending awkwardly (so as not to injure their backs I assume) trying to clean my mess. "Where are the teenagers?!" I wanted to yell. So three coolers, two bags of ice, and two shopping carts later I stood outside pulling up my nicely straightened hair that was now sticking to my face and neck from sweat - and waiting for Andrew to pick me up. At the time he said, "you poor thing". But in retelling the story to his mother - he was slightly less affectionate and concerned. Needless to say, the waiting a month and a half to go to the city was not exactly worth it. Sometimes I just have to ask, "Why is this my life?" Ian woke up this morning and let us sleep in which was pretty fantastic. I heard him playing the harmonica every so often so I knew he was okay. At 8am I came out to the living room to find all his stuffed animals lined up against the front door. Ian said they were in time out. They were naughty. I was pretty impressed with his firm hand - they ended up there for a solid two hours.

Last night I made this wooden snowman thing at church. I sort of like the idea of crafts - although I would rather buy a cute decoration already made than do it myself. Which is sort of interesting because I am a fairly creative and artsy person at times. Last night I was reminded why I don't attempt these things often. To begin the night, I was taking a chair off a big stack of chairs to set up for myself and as I turned (very quickly and with a lot of power - I am pretty strong after all) I slammed the foot of the chair into the side of Ian's jaw. Hard. It left a perfect circle that is still visible this morning. That should have been my first clue to just turn around and head home. But silly optimist that I am I thought I had no where to go but up.... I painted my snowman white (and was taught the distressed technique). I turned for one second and Ian had taken a paintbrush to the middle of my snowman. A paintbrush dripping with black paint. Someone assisted me in the clean up - I had no idea how to salvage it, but help was provided. Long story short...everything that could go wrong....did. A crafty friend fixed every mistake I made and basically did quite a bit of it herself. So, here is my finished product. Take a good look - you will not see another craft from me for quite some time.

Trick-or-Treat

Ian wanted his makeup on as soon as he woke up from his nap! I've been telling him for days that he is going to be a tiger and get lots of candy. We even did a practice run (with the makeup and costume last week). What's that? You think I'm taking Halloween a little too seriously? Garbage I say! Anyone who does not take Halloween seriously should not be allowed to get candy - and that includes your kids. (Your kids candy I mean - what I'm trying to say - is you shouldn't get to eat your kids candy if you don't participate. Sheesh - that was hard to explain).

So first we hit up the two neighbors we know across the street (both retired). They were pretty dang excited. They said they haven't had trick-or-treaters in years and they both bought candy just for Ian, hoping he would come by. That's right - we are kind of the darlings of the neighborhood...what can you do?... Who should show up under Ian's feet? Sweetie Pie - the innocent little kitten who we have been feeding tuna and hot dogs everyday and set up a box with a quilt and pillow. Well "Sweetie Pie" if you can call her that apparently has several Aliases. Including George, and PIBS (Pain In the Butt Sh#*). It just so happens that everyone in the neighborhood feeds her and has a little place for her/him to sleep. I feel slightly taken advantage of. All those nights worrying if she would freeze to death - AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE CATS - and insisting to Andrew that I can't have her death on my conscience...and low and behold she has 5 other places to stay and is getting meals all over the place. The only reason I put up with her is because Ian is in love. He really doesn't play with any other kids (none live right around) so she is kind of his only friend. He asks about her at least 10 times a day - and that is no exaggeration friends.

ANYway....after we hit up the neighbors we head into town. The one and only grocery store holds a trunk-or-treat in their parking lot and all the local businesses stay open late and decorate and hand out candy. I have to say - I really loved it. And so did Ian. It was much more fun than hitting up houses. (We were kind of a big hit because all of us dressed up). I am a strong believer in family themes for Halloween! I know the time is close that I won't get to pick out my kids costumes so I am living it up while I can! Unfortunately at least 3 or 4 guys muttered some very un-P.C. remarks about Andrew's costume. I admit, the ears weren't the most masculine. but I thought his face paint was pretty cool (i did it in the car on the way to town). It really bugged me. First of all - there are all these wimpy men standing around just watching everyone, not even participating so it bugged me they would say something. And when they use the "g" word - it just really ticks me off. It makes me want to say something like, "stupid, ignorant, redneck, homophobes with tiny....minds." So yes, my husband dressed up - because he is a real man and it's important to his wife and he is a participator in our family and I know he could kick all those men's butts if push came to shove. And also...no matter how his kitten-ears looked he knows he gets to go home with a sexy cheetah. Okay, i have cooled down...literally...it's freaking freezing in here! I need to start a fire. That reminds me - did I tell about the explosion in the living room? Andrew was at work last week and he had gotten a fire going in the wood burning stove and Ian and I were playing in the living room before bed when all the sudden...BOOM...I see stuff flying through the air and finally I realize that the long BBQ lighter was too close to the fire and exploded. Ian about had a heart attack. He cried and said he wanted his daddy. I was a little scared too~ I'm still picking up pieces a week later. So let this be a lesson people. For all of you with wood burning stoves to keep warm in the winter...huh? that's just us?....well anyway, keep lighters more than a foot away. The information on this blog is really priceless I have to say. It's like I'm helping save lives with just my fingers. And my brain. And the stupid things I have to learn the hard way. You are all - welcome.

Finally i would like to say that I love Halloween Candy - which is just regular candy (but mixed with the gross cheap stuff you would never buy and always throw out... unless you have a two year old who doesn't know the difference between a quality mini-snickers and and unidentifiable green gummy thing in cheap plastic wrap - in which case you give to him/her). Right now I am working on a small pack of Sugar Babies and before that I had a chewy Werther's Original - I didn't even know they had those!! Yes, I do love Halloween.

Desperation and Sweetie Pie

Let's start with a semi-inappropriate story shall we? So Ian had a...stinky...diaper yesterday and it was everywhere...(contained in the diaper, but EVERYwhere if you catch my drift). So I'm cleaning him up and he starts cracking up and says "mommy that tickews (tickles)" I say, "Oh...sorry" and he says "Mommy. No say I Sowwy....IT TICKEWS". I laughed and made a note to self to start potty-training in earnest. Yesterday I had to get out. So Ian and I drove the half hour to McCall for some water and plastic cups and pumpkins. (They have those things here in case you were wondering, but McCall water is better...well, McCall's better). Anyway, this girl smiles at me and then a few minutes later comes up to me and says, "You look so familiar." She looked Mormon to me so I said, "Well I went to BYU-Idaho....and....BYU-Hawaii?..." then her husband walked up and we totally recognized each other - I had gone to BYU-Hawaii with him and ran into him a few years later at BYU-Idaho - where he once introduced me to her. So he says, "you remember Brittany - she was in Home Cooking." Ahhh yes, my claim to fame...no no, no pictures please. Once the paparazzi died down in the grocery store I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Oh my gosh do you guys live here please come hang out with me I'm SO lonely!" Just like that too - one long sentence without a breath but with plenty of desperation. I was on cloud nine to actually run into ANYONE i knew from my former life. She stared at me for a minute and said, "Uhhh we're only in town for a night". They were staying at her parents cabin. I tried to find a pen, my phone, anything to get or give a phone number so they could call me next time they came. For some reason they weren't quite as enthusiastic as me. I can't imagine why - ohhh wait, yes I can - you see they have a life. And as my BYU-Hawaii friend so eloquently put it, "So our vacation is your reality". Fortunately there was a little more embarrassment in store for me or it would not have been a complete trip. Ian saw the claw machine thing that grabs toys and he wanted to get the truck in the machine. I had no change and was pushing the cart out of the grocery store saying, "sorry buddy, mommy doesn't have any money, come on, I'm going to leave you..." I know, awesome parenting skills - athankyouverymuch. So i take his soda to persuade him to follow me and walk outside slowly and he just stares. Then - the door shuts and he's still by the machine and I'm outside. So completely not thinking - i took a sip of his soda and i hear from inside the store, "THAT'S MY SODA!! I WANT MY SODA!!!" He is bawling now and runs to the door but it won't open automatically because he's too little so i go in thru the entrance door and scoop him up as EVERYONE anywhere near the front of the store stares and smiles at us and take him kicking, and screaming outside. Ian really doesn't throw the stereotypical terrible two year old tantrums often but apparently he had lost his bloody mind because he was going crazy. I put him down and was sort of hiding behind this big pillar trying to calm him down..."Okay, calm down and I'll give you a surprise at home...let's go see if that pickup truck is still parked next to us with the puppies" (knowing they had to be gone by then). Then it was as if someone flipped a switch and he says, sweet as pie, "puppies!" So, I round the pillar and who's standing there, loading their car? None other than my BYU-H and BYU-I friends. I'm sure the tantrum was witnessed and they will be calling to come hang out soon. And then the kicker - as we're walking towards our car - the pickup truck drives away with the puppies and Ian loses it all over again. It was a special day to remember. He will not be accompanying me to McCall again soon.

Also, this cat - kind of a kitten - came up to us outside. I am not a cat person. I am allergic and I grew up in a house where my dad called them "tire-bait" so the natural affection is not there. Plus, they scare me a little. But before I could stop him Ian was all over it. It was chubbier than a stray would be and very docile and wanted to come inside. It's cold out so i took pity on it and gave it a cup of milk and a can of tuna fish - which FYI - it did not eat. Ian played with it for an hour or so and it followed him everywhere! Which was pretty cute - I didn't know cats did that. Unfortunately, 6 or 7 hours later, it is still on our front porch and I just know Ian is going to open the door when I'm not looking and it's going to come tearing inside. I've yet to touch it - I just admire from a distance. I tried to name it Tiger because it has stripes - then Ian said "Lion" when I asked him what to call it. But every time I said either he would say, "No mommy it not Lion it a kitty cat". And so we settled on "Sweetie Pie". I understand now why people out in the country feed wild animals and "adopt" strays. It's because there is NOTHING ELSE TO DO OUT HERE!!! I was thrilled to fill an hour of my day sitting in the grass watching Ian and Sweetie Pie. "Sweet", I thought..."I've made it through one more hour...."

There's a BEAR on the deck!!

Andrew fell asleep on the couch last night and told me this morning that he was sure that a bear woke him up. He said he heard something outside on the deck and then he thought something was breathing at the window. Then he heard heavy footsteps and something run into the chair and then run into his metal flashlight. He left part of a Subway sandwich out there and it was smeared all over the deck (still is in fact) and the paper was everywhere. Tonight Andrew started the night shift at work so I was a little nervous that the bears are now coming up on our deck and I will be home alone! After a teeny bit of investigative work by yours truly, I discovered it was not a bear, but rather raccoons. (They leave smaller footprints you see). I told Ian to go up to daddy and say, "Bless your heart Daddy"...

To make Andrew, master woodsman and tracker, feel better - I offered the possibility that maybe the bear was riding the raccoon's back so we wouldn't suspect anything.

Sooo...now I am home alone and getting ready for bed. At least I don't have to worry about bears on the deck, sitting in our chairs and using our flashlights.

An interesting side-note, the raccoons are apparently nesting in our ginormous wood pile in the shed, so that's nice for them...

Andrew told me not to tell anyone about the bear/raccoon mix up, but he's at work and this is my blog and let's face it Andrew just makes for good stories sometimes. He says I owe him quite a bit considering he moved us out here and I would have nothing interesting to write if not for him... True, I would have nothing interesting to write, but on the flip side I would have friends, movie theaters, malls, parks, a wal-mart perhaps. But oh...real life comic fodder is so much more fulfilling....

For the Record

There was a cow in the middle on the highway today. It was on the side of the highway as we drove into town, and right smack in the middle as we drove home. Andrew laid on the horn but that cow just looked at us. I haven't decided yet if she was really dumb, stubborn, a daredevil, or just trying to end it all. Look in her eyes and you decide.


Animals we have seen or my neighbors have seen in our yard since we moved here:
-a doe with her two fawns
-several deer

-a fox that was half black (and looked like a harry potter wolf from the chest up) and half fox. i call it a wox.

-a bear
-a bear cub
-spiders - big ones
-chipmunks - little ones
-raccoons - fat ones


-butterflies - (the only critters i'm truly comfortable around)
-a salamander or newt (it's all lizard to me)
-a cougar or mountain lion (some days i say cougar, some days mountain lion it all depends on how vicious i feel i should describe it that day)

all of these pictures were taken IN our yard. and every animal mentioned has again, been IN our yard. hope we survive the winter...

Twitterpation

I just watched the first two episodes of "Private Practice" on abc.com. Here are my issues: 1) It's not as good as "Grey's Anatomy" 2) It's soooo melodramatic (and to be more melodramatic than Grey's is saying a lot) 3) Fairly obvious character arches 4) Exact same formula as Grey's and 5) It's manipulative. And yet...and yet...i feel myself being manipulated and all resistance to hold back the tears are futile. Oh - it's those stinking parent/child stories that get me every time. Okay, done with my review - although that doesn't mean my eyes have lost their puffiness from crying. Let's talk about the squirrel that attacked Andrew.

So, Andrew goes into the shed with the locked door to look for - i don't know what - and he thinks he hears something. Before he knows what's happening...there is a squirrel. On. His. Back. That's right - our life has turned into a Chevy Chase movie. A squirrel leapt from the rafters onto his back and held on for a minute. I'm very grateful it wasn't me. I'm very grateful it wasn't Ian. Ideally it would have been one of the neighborhood bears, but still, better Andrew then us. He is one with nature after all...although perhaps this begs the question that maybe nature is not one with him?

Last night I was rocking Ian and Andrew comes running in saying, "Come here, come here!! There are raccoons on the deck!" So, we take out the dog food that the last owner left to feed raccoons and throw them a few handfuls. And when I say, "a few", I mean like - 12 - huge handfuls of dog food. Andrew stood outside with them and I slid him my camera through the door and he captures our new four, fat friends (i can't get enough of the alliteration I know) and took pictures of them crawling over his shoes. Ian and I stood safely behind the glass/screen door. One of the braver ones got up on his hind legs a few times and was eye to eye with Ian. Ian thought that was pretty much a fantastic thing to happen before bedtime. Speaking of animals and Ian... We are still guinea pig sitting and Ian was in the guest room with Fred today feeding him carrots and watching him. i came in and sat down and Ian said, "He's so sweet". I hadn't thought of Fred as sweet but I guess I can see where Ian's coming from...kind of....

Ian is really into "Bambi" right now. But he calls EVERY female animal "his mommy". I've tried to explain that Bambi and the girl deer are "lovers" - okay I haven't really said that - but "friends". But Ian keeps saying "he wants his mommy" or "the dogs scare his mommy?". Someday when he realizes Bambi's mommy actually dies in the first 10 minutes I think I may have to arrange a counseling session. I can't sit through Bambi. It bores me a little and also I think I'm afraid that if I really commit to watching it I will be manipulated ("Private Practice" all over again) and may cry when the hunter shoots his meal ticket for the winter. The only positive thing I will say is that the word "twitterpated" is pretty much the greatest. I used to use that word all the time! Why did I stop? it's such great word. Here, I will use it in a sentence...Andrew felt quite twitterpated when the raccoons let him frolic with them last night!

And I'm done.

There's a Bird in my Car and Gas Station Food

So after a quick walk at the lake today (it was 4o degrees and windy out) we decided to grab a bite to eat before my Doctor's appointment. The gas station was closest and Andrew assured me they had good food. And guess what?...they kind of did. Corn Dogs, Fried Chicken, Chili, Mini-Chicken-Pot-Pies, Fries a Salad Bar and of course all the regular gas station staples. They even had a few tables to sit at. Ian made friends with a girl named Rowan who wanted to sit with us but her grandmother (or really old mother - not quite sure) wouldn't let her.

Then onto the Doctor's. Apparently I have polyps in my nose and if it had gotten much worse I would have had to have surgery. Oh and you could swim in my ears (says my doctor) because of all the fluid. So for the past two years I have consistently been misdiagnosed with sinus infections. I blame the west. a) for me being allergic to it and b) for having doctors not know what's going on up my nose. (Although it reminded me of a blessing I received a few years ago telling me to be patient with my Doctors). This Doctor was AWESOME! In addition to my pretty polyps (that's alliteration friends) He said he is a Back Crusader and is going to fix my back. It gives me some hope. So now instead of me having the spine of someone in their 50's or 60's (according to my most recent x-rays and specialists) maybe i can have the back of someone in their late 40's! Don't be surprised if you see me competing at the X-Games in a few years.
Also, one of the Doctors had to go out front (where his dogs were tied up) and let them run around so as to exercise them - he is a Doctor after all and exercises is important. Then he tied them up in front of the clinic and back in to help the people. Hopefully he washed his hands. And, when the nurse took me in to weigh me I noticed an eye exam machine. "Is that for your eyes" I asked, knowing the answer. "Yes", she said. "The opthamologist comes in once a week and works from here." I guess I looked surprised and she laughed and said "Small town living!" "Yes", I agreed..."small town living". Then I laughed and secretly hoped my eyes didn't need help Sundays through Tuesdays or Thursdays through Saturdays.

So...we get back from the Doctor and Pharmacy and Court House because one of the ladies there does the insurance and ours was not yet started even though it should have been and I had to fork over 250 in cold, hard cash and we may have to live off canned fruit and squirrels this month...and get home and after about 15 minutes Andrew goes outside for something and comes running back in yelling "there's a bird in the car!!" I said "Are you sure it wasn't on the other side of the car and you just thought it was in?" - he was not pleased with that response. So I videotaped the release our new friend. When i got Ian out of his car seat after we got home I thought I saw a bug fly in - and I remember Ian's head turning really fast to look at it. But how was I to know it was actually a medium-small bird? Maybe this happens out East - although I've never heard of it. Maybe it's even pretty common. But i believe it all goes back to Cascade. Cascade, Land of the Wild.

Oh and also, my husband is bald. Like, completely Bic-shaved bald as of last night. Okay, so he's tried it, I've touched his bald head a few times and now I am ready for this phase to be over. O.V.E.R. If ANYONE compliments him on his new look - especially you Stapfs who love him and want to be supportive. I will personally come after you! I mean it. You may say one of the following options or a combo: a) It's nice, but I like you better with hair b) it's a little extreme c) it's different d) it's ugly and/or e) you are much more handsome with hair.

Okay people - carry on.

B

Monkey Baby and Guinea Pigs

Well, let's start with my very exciting news that Brandon and Maria had a beautiful baby boy yesterday! His name is Caden Diego Krallis and he looks so much like Brandon! He has a head full of black, monkey hair and a hint of a tail. Okay, the tail things not true. Although I haven't seen him in person yet, so who knows. I had my nephew Coleman questioning for years whether or not his Uncle Brandon had a monkey tail. Those were the days... I can't wait to get my hands on Caden. Hopefully we will see them sometime soon~

We are pet sitting a Guinea Pig named Fred for one week. Ian loves "playing with" him - and when I say "playing" what I really mean is tormenting him. Every time I leave the room I hear loud growls...Ian, not Fred. And sometimes Ian blows on him so he jumps and runs. Usually this is followed by a huge belly laugh. I hope this isn't some indication of animal cruelty in my son. He did pet him pretty soft, but growling is much more exciting apparently. I am sort of afraid of little rodent things. Not to have them in my house, but to touch them. I was bit as a child by a hamster that a little girl SWORE never bit anyone and I have never recovered. This is true people. I made the mistake of letting Fred out of his cage and didn't think about how I would have to pick him up to get him in again. I put on rubber gloves because - well, better grip. But every time i barely touched him he started making a horrible squeaking sound. My heart was pounding - POUNDING!!!! But after 15 minutes I was finally able to scoop/lift him into his cage. Fred and I were both relieved to be done with that ordeal. Although Ian thought Mommy being so afraid of Fred was the best thing to happen all day.

Animals are frightening. They make my heart beat fast and my sinuses hurt.

I made up a song for Freddy. It goes...ahem..."Freddy the Guinea Pig, likes to eat and likes to dig. Playing, playing all day long. We love you so we wrote this song." The "we love you" part is more me taking some artistic liberty and not really from the heart.

It snowed last night. It is October 4th - someone should tell the weather it is way too early for snow. It snowed a little today as well. Ian wants to go play in it but it is a mushy, muddy mess. I'll probably take him out anyway. It's either that or listening to him growl for another few hours. Freddy is locked up in the guest room now - napping - as far as Ian is concerned.

Oh - there's a pet peeve I've been meaning to mention. I am so over people saying "i think i just threw up in my mouth a little". It was funny the first time, maybe even time 2. But STOP saying it people. You know you didn't just throw up in your mouth - and the expression has lost all shock value. Let's find something else - like - i think i just wet my pants a little. or.. i think my back is sweating. Anything else will do. I'm just saying....

Life on the Frontier

Well, the nightmares I had before I came were NOTHING in comparison to reality! Let's start at the top shall we??

Ian and I had three flights to get us to our new home. The last flight, which left from San Fransisco - NOT impressed with your airport San Fransiscins...Not impressed at all - had a two or three hour layover. Ian and I were sitting on the floor playing with his dinosaurs and cars when Andrew called to tell me...and I quote..."Now, I don't want you to freak out..." When a man in Andrew's family says these words you know you're in for something exciting...."but, my parents and I were sitting around the fire pit" - that's right people, we have a fire pit...in our yard. It's quite pretty...my parents were sure we were at a campground when they saw the picture. "No", I said "that's IN our yard". So.."we're sitting around the fire pit and there are a bunch of deer in our yard and all the sudden they start running away and one of them starts screaming and we see a mountain lion pulling it out of the yard". "hmmm", I say. "Then," says my Andrew, "the next day I found a deer carcass up in the one of the trees in our front yard that the mountain lion pulled up there".

And so, I let it all sink in. Immediately I remembered reading an excerpt from one of Andrew's Mountain Lion books that said big cats (cougars in particular) in captivity - who have never had to hunt for their food - will watch a hundred adults walk by their cages and never blink twice. But, the second a child walks by they will go into stalker mode and creep along as if they are about to pounce. As I sat on the phone with Andrew - through no fault of my own because I really had little control having been up since 3:30am and having flown across country - the tears starting coming. And although I never looked in a mirror to confirm I feel pretty confidant that a blotchy face followed. For those of you who don't know me as well as others - the blotchy face only shows up if I am crying really, really hard - or if I am really, really upset and trying not to cry hard. It was the latter in this example. This is the second time I've cried in an airport with Ian. In all fairness though, we have flown many, many, many times back and forth and up and down the U.S. - since he was born. So maybe two times isn't that bad.

My second night in our new house a bear got into our trash. Well Brittany, you ask, How do you know it wasn't a raccoon? This is how my friends...Andrew had tied down the lid because we were warned about bears in the area...so tight in fact that I couldn't get in it. The next morning the trashcan was 20 feet from where it had been and the lid ripped off. Five days later Andrew found the lid deep in the woods. It had claw punctures through it. THROUGH it. And so, lesson learned...our trash now sits in the garage behind locked doors. Ian and I also sat behing locked doors for a solid 48 hours until a wife of a guy andrew works with came and saved us and took us into "Town".....

Ahhh....town.... let me elaborate shall I? No stoplights...not a one! One grocery store - very expensive - all the meat and chicken are expired - kids get free lollipops - there are deer heads and huge fish mounted on the walls. Two touristy gift shops (one is where the pharmacy is so that's convenient I suppose - also there is a coffee shop inside so you can pick up your flu medication and a latte). Hmmmm...what else? Oh - a hardware store - which like a fool I assumed was open past 2pm on Saturday. Silly girl. A movie theater that is currently showing "Balls of Fury". No - that's it people - just "Balls of Fury". A court house, a jail. And a place called The Whistle Stop Cafe - which we ate at on Monday because it reminds me of the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" - who I'm pretty sure they ripped off the name from. Then again, it is by the traintracks so maybe the movie stole it from them....hmmm...i have some investigating to do.

Pros: Our house is gorgeous. Our yard is our dream yard - minus the life-threatening wildlife. Andrew likes his job. I now have Internet and Dishtv.

Signing off...

B

Not Smart Enuffff...enough (I couldn't leave it enufff - even though it's funnier)

I want to add pictures under each new post I write. Why am I having trouble with this? Blogspot/Dots Dark Template, I shake my fist at you!!

facebook.com

Why I am writing now when I have pretty much no time to write? Beats me... Ian is licking a Tupperware lid right now and calling out "pacieeee, blankyyyyy...". I think he's ready for a nap. I am visiting NC right now and have had a pretty great time. Maria and I are off to window shop at North Hills (something I don't really enjoy without money) but something to do nonetheless - and catch a movie.
Brandon got me started on Facebook and I think I am addicted. I was addicted to this blog for about a week and a half so I'm sure this too will pass. Andrew moved us into our new home. I am excited and nervous. I've had dreams/nightmares every night since I got here about our new place...some of the winners were the new house was infested with spiders, in another there was a snake pit in the back yard (my mom says dreaming about snakes means you're not having enough...well never mind...but she was trying to let the snakes get as close as they could without biting her...not sure what Freudianism that translates too), and finally Andrew and I were sprayed by a skunk.
Okay, more later - I've got windows to look in and finery's to touch and then put down and long for.

Bee Stings,Ferns and my Brother

Yesterday Ian was stung by a bee. I'm not sure who was more traumatized. By the time we made our way to the car from the river (we were having a splendid day at Corbin Park) and I got Ian in his car seat, I realized my entire body was trembling. Much like it was when I was almost run off the road into a river in Florida by two semi's Hauling houses...yes, houses. Now rationally I understand that possible death in a 1997 Jeep is worse than a bee sting on the thumb but apparently my body didn't get the memo because it felt exactly the same. A Migraine pill and muscle relaxer later (the latter due more to the fact that I swam the river) I was doing much better. I'm pretty sure I am the only one who reads this blog regularly (as I find my work both insightful and fascinating), but for any concerned - Ian is doing well. The swelling is gone and he is re-enacting Toy Story and begging for Benadryl (he acquired a taste for it after the bee sting) as I type.

Andrew's elderly clients keep sending him home with little houseplants. They cannot seem to comprehend that his wife does not garden. Forget the fact that a) we live in an apartment and b) I have no desire. They give him a baffled look and then send him on his way with a new plant for the little lady. Yesterday he came home with one little plant that has been alive for 5 years. I feel a great responsibility to keep it thriving, but as I am not able to recognize plants by sight (shocking I know) I can't even look it up on the Internet to see what I'm supposed to do with it. Another client sent him home with a big plant that is turning purple. I think I'm supposed to water it once a week. He also came home with some home-made biscotti that this woman from Italy gave him. Now biscotti I accept into my home with open arms and mouth, but unfortunately home-made goodies aren't the normal treat to give the oxygen man. Before the newest plants came into our home I was guilted into buying a plant due to a long tirade an old woman with 10 kids and a garden gave Andrew about how having only one toddler was NOT a reasonable excuse for lack of plant life - and so I went out and bought an African Violet because the guy at Wal-Mart said it was an indoor plant and that it is hard to kill. HA! - I say to you Wal-Mart man. It is covered in brown spots (too much sunlight apparently) and I have yet to see a violet.

We may be moving again. This will make it an even 10 moves since we were married less than four years ago. TEN. I won't give too many details yet as it's not final.

I read the last Harry Potter book last weekend. I'm feeling okay about the closure I experienced, (although I would have liked more details about certain characters and job positions), but my brother Brian was upset that Harry didn't show more skill (rather than luck) in defeating Voldermort. I explained to him that it's all about the LOVE but he scoffed at that - I think Brian will be okay in due time.

Snow Flower and Halloween

Just read "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan" - which is an incredibly cheesy name for a book but I really enjoyed it. By ignoring both Ian and my husband I was able to finish it in a day. I still haven't read the seventh Harry Potter book. I'm thinking it will take longer than a day of ignoring - maybe a weekend? That's if I really concentrate on ignoring the boys - hard to do with andrew asking where his car keys, wallet, hat, etc...are and Ian yelling "Moommmyyyy, Moooooommmmyyyyyyyyy" from the other room.

Got a catalogue of Halloween stuff in the mail today. It got me really excited for October (my favorite month) and Halloween (possibly my favorite Holiday). Not sure which route to take with costumes this year. I'm thinking of looking for the most redonkulous costume I can find for Ian. But I go back and forth between cute and embarrassing. We all have to dress up - that's the rule. In the end I probably won't have enough money to do what I want and will settle on a costume on sale at the drugstore. Okay, that only happened last year but if I had to guess I'd say odds are in the drugstore's favor again.

b

Survival 101

Today we ran a bunch of errands. I told Ian we would go to McDonalds when we were done. A minute later my two and a half year old said "Mommy! Mommy! No pickles, no onions." I think perhaps we need to make a clean break from the golden arches...

Sometime soon I will write thoughts longer than two sentences. But not tonight. Man vs. Wild is on and I need to pay attention in case I too find myself caught in a blizzard in the Scottish Highlands with nothing but a knife, flint and a water bottle.

Every year 160 people die in avalanches. If you should find yourself on a mountain and are unsure about avalanche potential, dig a square to test how firm the snow is (I'll show anyone how who is interested). If you are trapped in the snow and must dig your way out and can't tell which way is up - spit. Gravity will tell you what to do.. (I can show anyone how who is interested).

B

Goodbye Tense Muscles and Clear Thought

Oh muscle relaxers and pain pills~ why do you make me feel warm and thoughtful (and sometimes a little itchy)?

My first time...heh heh

Testing - testing. Yes, this font will do. I chose it because it is called Trebuchet. I'm not exactly sure how to pronounce it. In my mind it sound like this..."Traybyoushay". Elegant no? Well, that is all for now. I've exercised all my creativity in starting this new little project and I've not the energy to be witty and insightful.

B