So here is the compromise... It's how I feel at this moment. Tonight.
It's from the heart.
It's The Elephant:
There is an eternal bubbling spring of cruelty and pain and grief and heartache that exists within some. An ability to hurt everyone around them and take things like love and hope and innocence and faith and crush it all. Again and again. These people can lie to others and often themselves with an ease I will never understand. They can live in a world where selfishness and greed reign over their decisions. For every 10 decisions made, 9 will be in their best interest. And for that 1 act of seemingly unselfish generosity, it will be glorified and held over others' heads as a beacon of how good they really are. Even though they may kick you and spit on you and go for the jugular just after. Of course they won't see it that way. They will only pat themselves on the back for their kind act, all the while taking pieces of the good within others and never returning them. Never regretting their actions.
Other than the obvious serial killer or pedophile, what makes a person a monster? Extreme greed? Selfishness? Utter indifference? Extreme narcissism? We all do things that hurt others at some point... Our spouse, our parents, a friend, a family member. But don't most people own up to it? Don't most say, "I'm sorry I was a jerk. It won't happen again, because I love you and I don't want you to feel the way I purposely or inadvertently made you feel". Maybe I am naive to think MOST people are that way. There is that other type of person, however, who apologizes for nothing. Who live in their own reality, oblivious or unwilling to see the ache going on in the people around them. When someone tries to say, "hey, this hurt me", they will respond with insult and violently lash out or maybe just turn their back completely.
But, the very worst thing about these people is, we keep loving them. We make excuses for them. We sympathize with their grievances. We view them as broken and therefore incapable of not being awful. Eventually, we try and cut off the pain and put up a barrier saying, "enough is enough" and we try to keep our hearts occupied elsewhere, but then we are hit with it again... Love. Followed by pain. We try again, even as the cruelty ensues. Love for this monster who takes and abuses and never clearly sees.