Thursday, December 13, 2007

Still May Vomit....

Not really sure who all checks this out. Sometimes I feel like I am just writing to space. was my day:

- Made a REAL trip to Boise with a friend.
- Went to Deseret Book, Babies-r-us, Petsmart (saw two large white doves for sale - which is something I've never seen before. My theory is they just couldn't make it work with their magician owner...or illuuusionist owner), Sportsman's Warehouse, and the mall. Spent a total of 3 hours on route to Boise and home and another one or two making the rounds.

- Ian almost destroying not one, but two families Christmas pictures with Santa. He was in his stroller and saw these HUGE snowmen that rotated - one had a fishing rod with giant fish on it which now that I think about really makes no sense at all. Must be a Boise thing... Ian saw them from his stroller and yelled...and I mean yelled...."I GET OUT!!!" He ran past the line almost in front of the photographer and stared in awe at the giant snowman. He came back to me a few times - but I guess it just didn't feel right and made a bee-line for the snowgiantman again.
- Ian trying to steal a wise man and a camel at Deseret Book.
- Buying a new journal. After only....6 years....i have finally finished my black leather journal (I was in a black, leather "place" when I bought it 6 years ago). Now I am in an awesome-magnetic-flip-open-original-Shakespearean-text-on-the-cover "place". Also my new journal is just ridiculously awesome. Flip. Open. Flip. Closed. Brilliant. While I think the Journals with various painting of Christ on the cover are beautiful...I feel like I can't write all my true feelings. Like if Christ is on the cover then you probably shouldn't complain about womanhood, motherhood, wife..hood, anything angry or inappropriate. I'm sure this says some very unpleasant things about my true intentions and personality. But alas...I have a cool journal to console me.
- Eating at the Olive Garden. Once upon a time the Olive Garden was a mediocre restaurant that was 6th or 7th down to P.F. Changs, El Dorado, Cassadoria, etc... After living in the township I am in and eating only at home and mom and pop restaurants for several months. I was truly - TRULY - in state of euphoria. Bread sticks - fantastic. Calamari - yes please. And the Salad...oh the Salad. Even when I was well past full I convinced myself that eating more salad was just the right, nay, healthy thing to do. Had I not feared judgement I would have sucked the dressing off all the lettuce and then licked the unlimited-salad bowl. But I showed restraint. I'm not an animal after all.
- Miriam calling and telling me what she is having! Congrats if you read this Miriam! Which you probably wont because it's just me and Space and here.

- Ian's tantrums after going almost 10 hours without a nap. Oi.
- The snake in the pet store was VERY active and I could see it's dinner in it's boa body. Gave my the heeby jeebies and a flutter (not the good kind) in my heart.
- Trying not to throw up on the drive up and back from Boise. The way up was worse. It is the windiest - that spelling doesn't look right - wyndey, winde, whinedy hmmm - let's go with - whinediest road ever and...for those who don't know.......i am...with child, "preggers" - man I hate that expression. It's so dumb. It's like, hey - i know - lets make pregnancy; nauseous, vomiting, sweaty, fattening, exhausting, painful breasts, stretch marks, clumps of hair falling out, gassy, small bladder - pregnancy ADORABLE - and call it "preggers". Idiots.
I have a hard time waiting the patient and "proper" three months to tell people. In part because I am not a patient person, in part because why wait to tell people you love (and Andrew gets almost as excited to tell family and friends as I do) and in part because I want to hurl most of the day and there is just no way for me to hide that. Also, for some, (and I'm not naming names here) it is hard to hide the emotions...or "hormones" if you will. Which may in part explain the euphoria mentioned at Olive Garden earlier today. We found out a week ago and so far Andrew and I have been in 116 fights. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. But apparently I am slightly "on edge" and "irrational" and "moody". Nonsense I say! Sometimes you just feel like crying when discussing the differences between traveling to China and traveling to Africa or deciding if you want Thai Peanut Dressing on your salad. I mean really, ANYone would tear up over these things. Irrational. HA!

Okay, I am tired and getting nauseous. So far my biggest problem is that I truly don't feel hungry at times but the only way the nausea goes away is when I eat. A dangerous cycle let me tell you. When I was pregnant with Ian I gained...well...a little weight. Something like 470 pounds. Well, it felt and looked like that anyway. I was convinced...CONVINCED...that he was going to be HUGE. "This baby's going to be a big one!" I would say. "Probably 13 or 14 pounds!" When he came out a measly 7.14 I was not impressed with his development. All that eating I did for him and he barely took advantage of it! "My bad" I would tell people. It felt like a 13 pounder but looking back that must have just been the McDonald's Quarter Pounders with cheese and no pickles meal (or a number 2 for those of you in the know) lumping together in my stomach and sticking to various parts of my body. Okay...making...myself...sick. go sleep it off.

Later space. Until next time.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Once There Was a Snowman

I finally made a trip into the big city an hour and a half away. I spent about two hours in Super Wal-Mart trying to make our money ssssttttrrreeeetchhhh. Andrew took Ian to Cabellas to enjoy the finer things so that I could have Wal-Mart all to myself. Finally, with a full cart and a line behind me I began checking out. I needed a styrofoam cooler and a bag of ice for the cold stuff since it is such a long drive back so I grabbed that while the older lady continued to scan my goods. I put in some ice, put in some milk and other things, more ice and realized I would have to a get a second cooler. I picked up the full cooler to put in the cart and CRACK. It broke in half. The milk fell to the ground. Ice went EVERYWHERE and I have no doubt my face turned bright red. The scanner lady was only half done with my things at this point. Panic set in as she tried to find a manager and helpers to assist in my mess. I grabbed more ice, more coolers and finally someone took all the people behind me to another line. Andrew was still 15 minutes away and there were three older employees bending awkwardly (so as not to injure their backs I assume) trying to clean my mess. "Where are the teenagers?!" I wanted to yell. So three coolers, two bags of ice, and two shopping carts later I stood outside pulling up my nicely straightened hair that was now sticking to my face and neck from sweat - and waiting for Andrew to pick me up. At the time he said, "you poor thing". But in retelling the story to his mother - he was slightly less affectionate and concerned. Needless to say, the waiting a month and a half to go to the city was not exactly worth it. Sometimes I just have to ask, "Why is this my life?" Ian woke up this morning and let us sleep in which was pretty fantastic. I heard him playing the harmonica every so often so I knew he was okay. At 8am I came out to the living room to find all his stuffed animals lined up against the front door. Ian said they were in time out. They were naughty. I was pretty impressed with his firm hand - they ended up there for a solid two hours.

Last night I made this wooden snowman thing at church. I sort of like the idea of crafts - although I would rather buy a cute decoration already made than do it myself. Which is sort of interesting because I am a fairly creative and artsy person at times. Last night I was reminded why I don't attempt these things often. To begin the night, I was taking a chair off a big stack of chairs to set up for myself and as I turned (very quickly and with a lot of power - I am pretty strong after all) I slammed the foot of the chair into the side of Ian's jaw. Hard. It left a perfect circle that is still visible this morning. That should have been my first clue to just turn around and head home. But silly optimist that I am I thought I had no where to go but up.... I painted my snowman white (and was taught the distressed technique). I turned for one second and Ian had taken a paintbrush to the middle of my snowman. A paintbrush dripping with black paint. Someone assisted me in the clean up - I had no idea how to salvage it, but help was provided. Long story short...everything that could go wrong....did. A crafty friend fixed every mistake I made and basically did quite a bit of it herself. So, here is my finished product. Take a good look - you will not see another craft from me for quite some time.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Ian wanted his makeup on as soon as he woke up from his nap! I've been telling him for days that he is going to be a tiger and get lots of candy. We even did a practice run (with the makeup and costume last week). What's that? You think I'm taking Halloween a little too seriously? Garbage I say! Anyone who does not take Halloween seriously should not be allowed to get candy - and that includes your kids. (Your kids candy I mean - what I'm trying to say - is you shouldn't get to eat your kids candy if you don't participate. Sheesh - that was hard to explain).

So first we hit up the two neighbors we know across the street (both retired). They were pretty dang excited. They said they haven't had trick-or-treaters in years and they both bought candy just for Ian, hoping he would come by. That's right - we are kind of the darlings of the neighborhood...what can you do?... Who should show up under Ian's feet? Sweetie Pie - the innocent little kitten who we have been feeding tuna and hot dogs everyday and set up a box with a quilt and pillow. Well "Sweetie Pie" if you can call her that apparently has several Aliases. Including George, and PIBS (Pain In the Butt Sh#*). It just so happens that everyone in the neighborhood feeds her and has a little place for her/him to sleep. I feel slightly taken advantage of. All those nights worrying if she would freeze to death - AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE CATS - and insisting to Andrew that I can't have her death on my conscience...and low and behold she has 5 other places to stay and is getting meals all over the place. The only reason I put up with her is because Ian is in love. He really doesn't play with any other kids (none live right around) so she is kind of his only friend. He asks about her at least 10 times a day - and that is no exaggeration friends.

ANYway....after we hit up the neighbors we head into town. The one and only grocery store holds a trunk-or-treat in their parking lot and all the local businesses stay open late and decorate and hand out candy. I have to say - I really loved it. And so did Ian. It was much more fun than hitting up houses. (We were kind of a big hit because all of us dressed up). I am a strong believer in family themes for Halloween! I know the time is close that I won't get to pick out my kids costumes so I am living it up while I can! Unfortunately at least 3 or 4 guys muttered some very un-P.C. remarks about Andrew's costume. I admit, the ears weren't the most masculine. but I thought his face paint was pretty cool (i did it in the car on the way to town). It really bugged me. First of all - there are all these wimpy men standing around just watching everyone, not even participating so it bugged me they would say something. And when they use the "g" word - it just really ticks me off. It makes me want to say something like, "stupid, ignorant, redneck, homophobes with tiny....minds." So yes, my husband dressed up - because he is a real man and it's important to his wife and he is a participator in our family and I know he could kick all those men's butts if push came to shove. And matter how his kitten-ears looked he knows he gets to go home with a sexy cheetah. Okay, i have cooled's freaking freezing in here! I need to start a fire. That reminds me - did I tell about the explosion in the living room? Andrew was at work last week and he had gotten a fire going in the wood burning stove and Ian and I were playing in the living room before bed when all the sudden...BOOM...I see stuff flying through the air and finally I realize that the long BBQ lighter was too close to the fire and exploded. Ian about had a heart attack. He cried and said he wanted his daddy. I was a little scared too~ I'm still picking up pieces a week later. So let this be a lesson people. For all of you with wood burning stoves to keep warm in the winter...huh? that's just us?....well anyway, keep lighters more than a foot away. The information on this blog is really priceless I have to say. It's like I'm helping save lives with just my fingers. And my brain. And the stupid things I have to learn the hard way. You are all - welcome.

Finally i would like to say that I love Halloween Candy - which is just regular candy (but mixed with the gross cheap stuff you would never buy and always throw out... unless you have a two year old who doesn't know the difference between a quality mini-snickers and and unidentifiable green gummy thing in cheap plastic wrap - in which case you give to him/her). Right now I am working on a small pack of Sugar Babies and before that I had a chewy Werther's Original - I didn't even know they had those!! Yes, I do love Halloween.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Desperation and Sweetie Pie

Let's start with a semi-inappropriate story shall we? So Ian had a...stinky...diaper yesterday and it was everywhere...(contained in the diaper, but EVERYwhere if you catch my drift). So I'm cleaning him up and he starts cracking up and says "mommy that tickews (tickles)" I say, "Oh...sorry" and he says "Mommy. No say I Sowwy....IT TICKEWS". I laughed and made a note to self to start potty-training in earnest. Yesterday I had to get out. So Ian and I drove the half hour to McCall for some water and plastic cups and pumpkins. (They have those things here in case you were wondering, but McCall water is better...well, McCall's better). Anyway, this girl smiles at me and then a few minutes later comes up to me and says, "You look so familiar." She looked Mormon to me so I said, "Well I went to BYU-Idaho....and....BYU-Hawaii?..." then her husband walked up and we totally recognized each other - I had gone to BYU-Hawaii with him and ran into him a few years later at BYU-Idaho - where he once introduced me to her. So he says, "you remember Brittany - she was in Home Cooking." Ahhh yes, my claim to no, no pictures please. Once the paparazzi died down in the grocery store I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Oh my gosh do you guys live here please come hang out with me I'm SO lonely!" Just like that too - one long sentence without a breath but with plenty of desperation. I was on cloud nine to actually run into ANYONE i knew from my former life. She stared at me for a minute and said, "Uhhh we're only in town for a night". They were staying at her parents cabin. I tried to find a pen, my phone, anything to get or give a phone number so they could call me next time they came. For some reason they weren't quite as enthusiastic as me. I can't imagine why - ohhh wait, yes I can - you see they have a life. And as my BYU-Hawaii friend so eloquently put it, "So our vacation is your reality". Fortunately there was a little more embarrassment in store for me or it would not have been a complete trip. Ian saw the claw machine thing that grabs toys and he wanted to get the truck in the machine. I had no change and was pushing the cart out of the grocery store saying, "sorry buddy, mommy doesn't have any money, come on, I'm going to leave you..." I know, awesome parenting skills - athankyouverymuch. So i take his soda to persuade him to follow me and walk outside slowly and he just stares. Then - the door shuts and he's still by the machine and I'm outside. So completely not thinking - i took a sip of his soda and i hear from inside the store, "THAT'S MY SODA!! I WANT MY SODA!!!" He is bawling now and runs to the door but it won't open automatically because he's too little so i go in thru the entrance door and scoop him up as EVERYONE anywhere near the front of the store stares and smiles at us and take him kicking, and screaming outside. Ian really doesn't throw the stereotypical terrible two year old tantrums often but apparently he had lost his bloody mind because he was going crazy. I put him down and was sort of hiding behind this big pillar trying to calm him down..."Okay, calm down and I'll give you a surprise at home...let's go see if that pickup truck is still parked next to us with the puppies" (knowing they had to be gone by then). Then it was as if someone flipped a switch and he says, sweet as pie, "puppies!" So, I round the pillar and who's standing there, loading their car? None other than my BYU-H and BYU-I friends. I'm sure the tantrum was witnessed and they will be calling to come hang out soon. And then the kicker - as we're walking towards our car - the pickup truck drives away with the puppies and Ian loses it all over again. It was a special day to remember. He will not be accompanying me to McCall again soon.
Also, this cat - kind of a kitten - came up to us outside. I am not a cat person. I am allergic and I grew up in a house where my dad called them "tire-bait" so the natural affection is not there. Plus, they scare me a little. But before I could stop him Ian was all over it. It was chubbier than a stray would be and very docile and wanted to come inside. It's cold out so i took pity on it and gave it a cup of milk and a can of tuna fish - which FYI - it did not eat. Ian played with it for an hour or so and it followed him everywhere! Which was pretty cute - I didn't know cats did that. Unfortunately, 6 or 7 hours later, it is still on our front porch and I just know Ian is going to open the door when I'm not looking and it's going to come tearing inside. I've yet to touch it - I just admire from a distance. I tried to name it Tiger because it has stripes - then Ian said "Lion" when I asked him what to call it. But every time I said either he would say, "No mommy it not Lion it a kitty cat". And so we settled on "Sweetie Pie". I understand now why people out in the country feed wild animals and "adopt" strays. It's because there is NOTHING ELSE TO DO OUT HERE!!! I was thrilled to fill an hour of my day sitting in the grass watching Ian and Sweetie Pie. "Sweet", I thought..."I've made it through one more hour...."

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

There's a BEAR on the deck!!

Andrew fell asleep on the couch last night and told me this morning that he was sure that a bear woke him up. He said he heard something outside on the deck and then he thought something was breathing at the window. Then he heard heavy footsteps and something run into the chair and then run into his metal flashlight. He left part of a Subway sandwich out there and it was smeared all over the deck (still is in fact) and the paper was everywhere. Tonight Andrew started the night shift at work so I was a little nervous that the bears are now coming up on our deck and I will be home alone! After a teeny bit of investigative work by yours truly, I discovered it was not a bear, but rather raccoons. (They leave smaller footprints you see). I told Ian to go up to daddy and say, "Bless your heart Daddy"...

To make Andrew, master woodsman and tracker, feel better - I offered the possibility that maybe the bear was riding the raccoon's back so we wouldn't suspect anything. I am home alone and getting ready for bed. At least I don't have to worry about bears on the deck, sitting in our chairs and using our flashlights.

An interesting side-note, the raccoons are apparently nesting in our ginormous wood pile in the shed, so that's nice for them...

Andrew told me not to tell anyone about the bear/raccoon mix up, but he's at work and this is my blog and let's face it Andrew just makes for good stories sometimes. He says I owe him quite a bit considering he moved us out here and I would have nothing interesting to write if not for him... True, I would have nothing interesting to write, but on the flip side I would have friends, movie theaters, malls, parks, a wal-mart perhaps. But oh...real life comic fodder is so much more fulfilling....

Monday, October 15, 2007

For the Record

There was a cow in the middle on the highway today. It was on the side of the highway as we drove into town, and right smack in the middle as we drove home. Andrew laid on the horn but that cow just looked at us. I haven't decided yet if she was really dumb, stubborn, a daredevil, or just trying to end it all. Look in her eyes and you decide.

Animals we have seen or my neighbors have seen in our yard since we moved here:
-a doe with her two fawns
-several deer

-a fox that was half black (and looked like a harry potter wolf from the chest up) and half fox. i call it a wox.

-a bear
-a bear cub
-spiders - big ones
-chipmunks - little ones
-raccoons - fat ones

-butterflies - (the only critters i'm truly comfortable around)
-a salamander or newt (it's all lizard to me)
-a cougar or mountain lion (some days i say cougar, some days mountain lion it all depends on how vicious i feel i should describe it that day)

all of these pictures were taken IN our yard. and every animal mentioned has again, been IN our yard. hope we survive the winter...

Monday, October 8, 2007


I just watched the first two episodes of "Private Practice" on Here are my issues: 1) It's not as good as "Grey's Anatomy" 2) It's soooo melodramatic (and to be more melodramatic than Grey's is saying a lot) 3) Fairly obvious character arches 4) Exact same formula as Grey's and 5) It's manipulative. And yet...and yet...i feel myself being manipulated and all resistance to hold back the tears are futile. Oh - it's those stinking parent/child stories that get me every time. Okay, done with my review - although that doesn't mean my eyes have lost their puffiness from crying. Let's talk about the squirrel that attacked Andrew.

So, Andrew goes into the shed with the locked door to look for - i don't know what - and he thinks he hears something. Before he knows what's happening...there is a squirrel. On. His. Back. That's right - our life has turned into a Chevy Chase movie. A squirrel leapt from the rafters onto his back and held on for a minute. I'm very grateful it wasn't me. I'm very grateful it wasn't Ian. Ideally it would have been one of the neighborhood bears, but still, better Andrew then us. He is one with nature after all...although perhaps this begs the question that maybe nature is not one with him?

Last night I was rocking Ian and Andrew comes running in saying, "Come here, come here!! There are raccoons on the deck!" So, we take out the dog food that the last owner left to feed raccoons and throw them a few handfuls. And when I say, "a few", I mean like - 12 - huge handfuls of dog food. Andrew stood outside with them and I slid him my camera through the door and he captures our new four, fat friends (i can't get enough of the alliteration I know) and took pictures of them crawling over his shoes. Ian and I stood safely behind the glass/screen door. One of the braver ones got up on his hind legs a few times and was eye to eye with Ian. Ian thought that was pretty much a fantastic thing to happen before bedtime. Speaking of animals and Ian... We are still guinea pig sitting and Ian was in the guest room with Fred today feeding him carrots and watching him. i came in and sat down and Ian said, "He's so sweet". I hadn't thought of Fred as sweet but I guess I can see where Ian's coming from...kind of....

Ian is really into "Bambi" right now. But he calls EVERY female animal "his mommy". I've tried to explain that Bambi and the girl deer are "lovers" - okay I haven't really said that - but "friends". But Ian keeps saying "he wants his mommy" or "the dogs scare his mommy?". Someday when he realizes Bambi's mommy actually dies in the first 10 minutes I think I may have to arrange a counseling session. I can't sit through Bambi. It bores me a little and also I think I'm afraid that if I really commit to watching it I will be manipulated ("Private Practice" all over again) and may cry when the hunter shoots his meal ticket for the winter. The only positive thing I will say is that the word "twitterpated" is pretty much the greatest. I used to use that word all the time! Why did I stop? it's such great word. Here, I will use it in a sentence...Andrew felt quite twitterpated when the raccoons let him frolic with them last night!

And I'm done.

Friday, October 5, 2007

There's a Bird in my Car and Gas Station Food

So after a quick walk at the lake today (it was 4o degrees and windy out) we decided to grab a bite to eat before my Doctor's appointment. The gas station was closest and Andrew assured me they had good food. And guess what?...they kind of did. Corn Dogs, Fried Chicken, Chili, Mini-Chicken-Pot-Pies, Fries a Salad Bar and of course all the regular gas station staples. They even had a few tables to sit at. Ian made friends with a girl named Rowan who wanted to sit with us but her grandmother (or really old mother - not quite sure) wouldn't let her.

Then onto the Doctor's. Apparently I have polyps in my nose and if it had gotten much worse I would have had to have surgery. Oh and you could swim in my ears (says my doctor) because of all the fluid. So for the past two years I have consistently been misdiagnosed with sinus infections. I blame the west. a) for me being allergic to it and b) for having doctors not know what's going on up my nose. (Although it reminded me of a blessing I received a few years ago telling me to be patient with my Doctors). This Doctor was AWESOME! In addition to my pretty polyps (that's alliteration friends) He said he is a Back Crusader and is going to fix my back. It gives me some hope. So now instead of me having the spine of someone in their 50's or 60's (according to my most recent x-rays and specialists) maybe i can have the back of someone in their late 40's! Don't be surprised if you see me competing at the X-Games in a few years.
Also, one of the Doctors had to go out front (where his dogs were tied up) and let them run around so as to exercise them - he is a Doctor after all and exercises is important. Then he tied them up in front of the clinic and back in to help the people. Hopefully he washed his hands. And, when the nurse took me in to weigh me I noticed an eye exam machine. "Is that for your eyes" I asked, knowing the answer. "Yes", she said. "The opthamologist comes in once a week and works from here." I guess I looked surprised and she laughed and said "Small town living!" "Yes", I agreed..."small town living". Then I laughed and secretly hoped my eyes didn't need help Sundays through Tuesdays or Thursdays through Saturdays.

So...we get back from the Doctor and Pharmacy and Court House because one of the ladies there does the insurance and ours was not yet started even though it should have been and I had to fork over 250 in cold, hard cash and we may have to live off canned fruit and squirrels this month...and get home and after about 15 minutes Andrew goes outside for something and comes running back in yelling "there's a bird in the car!!" I said "Are you sure it wasn't on the other side of the car and you just thought it was in?" - he was not pleased with that response. So I videotaped the release our new friend. When i got Ian out of his car seat after we got home I thought I saw a bug fly in - and I remember Ian's head turning really fast to look at it. But how was I to know it was actually a medium-small bird? Maybe this happens out East - although I've never heard of it. Maybe it's even pretty common. But i believe it all goes back to Cascade. Cascade, Land of the Wild.

Oh and also, my husband is bald. Like, completely Bic-shaved bald as of last night. Okay, so he's tried it, I've touched his bald head a few times and now I am ready for this phase to be over. O.V.E.R. If ANYONE compliments him on his new look - especially you Stapfs who love him and want to be supportive. I will personally come after you! I mean it. You may say one of the following options or a combo: a) It's nice, but I like you better with hair b) it's a little extreme c) it's different d) it's ugly and/or e) you are much more handsome with hair.

Okay people - carry on.


Thursday, October 4, 2007

Monkey Baby and Guinea Pigs

Well, let's start with my very exciting news that Brandon and Maria had a beautiful baby boy yesterday! His name is Caden Diego Krallis and he looks so much like Brandon! He has a head full of black, monkey hair and a hint of a tail. Okay, the tail things not true. Although I haven't seen him in person yet, so who knows. I had my nephew Coleman questioning for years whether or not his Uncle Brandon had a monkey tail. Those were the days... I can't wait to get my hands on Caden. Hopefully we will see them sometime soon~

We are pet sitting a Guinea Pig named Fred for one week. Ian loves "playing with" him - and when I say "playing" what I really mean is tormenting him. Every time I leave the room I hear loud growls...Ian, not Fred. And sometimes Ian blows on him so he jumps and runs. Usually this is followed by a huge belly laugh. I hope this isn't some indication of animal cruelty in my son. He did pet him pretty soft, but growling is much more exciting apparently. I am sort of afraid of little rodent things. Not to have them in my house, but to touch them. I was bit as a child by a hamster that a little girl SWORE never bit anyone and I have never recovered. This is true people. I made the mistake of letting Fred out of his cage and didn't think about how I would have to pick him up to get him in again. I put on rubber gloves because - well, better grip. But every time i barely touched him he started making a horrible squeaking sound. My heart was pounding - POUNDING!!!! But after 15 minutes I was finally able to scoop/lift him into his cage. Fred and I were both relieved to be done with that ordeal. Although Ian thought Mommy being so afraid of Fred was the best thing to happen all day.

Animals are frightening. They make my heart beat fast and my sinuses hurt.

I made up a song for Freddy. It goes...ahem..."Freddy the Guinea Pig, likes to eat and likes to dig. Playing, playing all day long. We love you so we wrote this song." The "we love you" part is more me taking some artistic liberty and not really from the heart.

It snowed last night. It is October 4th - someone should tell the weather it is way too early for snow. It snowed a little today as well. Ian wants to go play in it but it is a mushy, muddy mess. I'll probably take him out anyway. It's either that or listening to him growl for another few hours. Freddy is locked up in the guest room now - napping - as far as Ian is concerned.

Oh - there's a pet peeve I've been meaning to mention. I am so over people saying "i think i just threw up in my mouth a little". It was funny the first time, maybe even time 2. But STOP saying it people. You know you didn't just throw up in your mouth - and the expression has lost all shock value. Let's find something else - like - i think i just wet my pants a little. or.. i think my back is sweating. Anything else will do. I'm just saying....

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Life on the Frontier

Well, the nightmares I had before I came were NOTHING in comparison to reality! Let's start at the top shall we??

Ian and I had three flights to get us to our new home. The last flight, which left from San Fransisco - NOT impressed with your airport San Fransiscins...Not impressed at all - had a two or three hour layover. Ian and I were sitting on the floor playing with his dinosaurs and cars when Andrew called to tell me...and I quote..."Now, I don't want you to freak out..." When a man in Andrew's family says these words you know you're in for something exciting...."but, my parents and I were sitting around the fire pit" - that's right people, we have a fire our yard. It's quite parents were sure we were at a campground when they saw the picture. "No", I said "that's IN our yard". So.."we're sitting around the fire pit and there are a bunch of deer in our yard and all the sudden they start running away and one of them starts screaming and we see a mountain lion pulling it out of the yard". "hmmm", I say. "Then," says my Andrew, "the next day I found a deer carcass up in the one of the trees in our front yard that the mountain lion pulled up there".

And so, I let it all sink in. Immediately I remembered reading an excerpt from one of Andrew's Mountain Lion books that said big cats (cougars in particular) in captivity - who have never had to hunt for their food - will watch a hundred adults walk by their cages and never blink twice. But, the second a child walks by they will go into stalker mode and creep along as if they are about to pounce. As I sat on the phone with Andrew - through no fault of my own because I really had little control having been up since 3:30am and having flown across country - the tears starting coming. And although I never looked in a mirror to confirm I feel pretty confidant that a blotchy face followed. For those of you who don't know me as well as others - the blotchy face only shows up if I am crying really, really hard - or if I am really, really upset and trying not to cry hard. It was the latter in this example. This is the second time I've cried in an airport with Ian. In all fairness though, we have flown many, many, many times back and forth and up and down the U.S. - since he was born. So maybe two times isn't that bad.

My second night in our new house a bear got into our trash. Well Brittany, you ask, How do you know it wasn't a raccoon? This is how my friends...Andrew had tied down the lid because we were warned about bears in the tight in fact that I couldn't get in it. The next morning the trashcan was 20 feet from where it had been and the lid ripped off. Five days later Andrew found the lid deep in the woods. It had claw punctures through it. THROUGH it. And so, lesson learned...our trash now sits in the garage behind locked doors. Ian and I also sat behing locked doors for a solid 48 hours until a wife of a guy andrew works with came and saved us and took us into "Town"..... let me elaborate shall I? No stoplights...not a one! One grocery store - very expensive - all the meat and chicken are expired - kids get free lollipops - there are deer heads and huge fish mounted on the walls. Two touristy gift shops (one is where the pharmacy is so that's convenient I suppose - also there is a coffee shop inside so you can pick up your flu medication and a latte). Hmmmm...what else? Oh - a hardware store - which like a fool I assumed was open past 2pm on Saturday. Silly girl. A movie theater that is currently showing "Balls of Fury". No - that's it people - just "Balls of Fury". A court house, a jail. And a place called The Whistle Stop Cafe - which we ate at on Monday because it reminds me of the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" - who I'm pretty sure they ripped off the name from. Then again, it is by the traintracks so maybe the movie stole it from them....hmmm...i have some investigating to do.

Pros: Our house is gorgeous. Our yard is our dream yard - minus the life-threatening wildlife. Andrew likes his job. I now have Internet and Dishtv.

Signing off...


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Not Smart Enuffff...enough (I couldn't leave it enufff - even though it's funnier)

I want to add pictures under each new post I write. Why am I having trouble with this? Blogspot/Dots Dark Template, I shake my fist at you!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Why I am writing now when I have pretty much no time to write? Beats me... Ian is licking a Tupperware lid right now and calling out "pacieeee, blankyyyyy...". I think he's ready for a nap. I am visiting NC right now and have had a pretty great time. Maria and I are off to window shop at North Hills (something I don't really enjoy without money) but something to do nonetheless - and catch a movie.
Brandon got me started on Facebook and I think I am addicted. I was addicted to this blog for about a week and a half so I'm sure this too will pass. Andrew moved us into our new home. I am excited and nervous. I've had dreams/nightmares every night since I got here about our new place...some of the winners were the new house was infested with spiders, in another there was a snake pit in the back yard (my mom says dreaming about snakes means you're not having enough...well never mind...but she was trying to let the snakes get as close as they could without biting her...not sure what Freudianism that translates too), and finally Andrew and I were sprayed by a skunk.
Okay, more later - I've got windows to look in and finery's to touch and then put down and long for.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Bee Stings,Ferns and my Brother

Yesterday Ian was stung by a bee. I'm not sure who was more traumatized. By the time we made our way to the car from the river (we were having a splendid day at Corbin Park) and I got Ian in his car seat, I realized my entire body was trembling. Much like it was when I was almost run off the road into a river in Florida by two semi's Hauling houses...yes, houses. Now rationally I understand that possible death in a 1997 Jeep is worse than a bee sting on the thumb but apparently my body didn't get the memo because it felt exactly the same. A Migraine pill and muscle relaxer later (the latter due more to the fact that I swam the river) I was doing much better. I'm pretty sure I am the only one who reads this blog regularly (as I find my work both insightful and fascinating), but for any concerned - Ian is doing well. The swelling is gone and he is re-enacting Toy Story and begging for Benadryl (he acquired a taste for it after the bee sting) as I type.

Andrew's elderly clients keep sending him home with little houseplants. They cannot seem to comprehend that his wife does not garden. Forget the fact that a) we live in an apartment and b) I have no desire. They give him a baffled look and then send him on his way with a new plant for the little lady. Yesterday he came home with one little plant that has been alive for 5 years. I feel a great responsibility to keep it thriving, but as I am not able to recognize plants by sight (shocking I know) I can't even look it up on the Internet to see what I'm supposed to do with it. Another client sent him home with a big plant that is turning purple. I think I'm supposed to water it once a week. He also came home with some home-made biscotti that this woman from Italy gave him. Now biscotti I accept into my home with open arms and mouth, but unfortunately home-made goodies aren't the normal treat to give the oxygen man. Before the newest plants came into our home I was guilted into buying a plant due to a long tirade an old woman with 10 kids and a garden gave Andrew about how having only one toddler was NOT a reasonable excuse for lack of plant life - and so I went out and bought an African Violet because the guy at Wal-Mart said it was an indoor plant and that it is hard to kill. HA! - I say to you Wal-Mart man. It is covered in brown spots (too much sunlight apparently) and I have yet to see a violet.

We may be moving again. This will make it an even 10 moves since we were married less than four years ago. TEN. I won't give too many details yet as it's not final.

I read the last Harry Potter book last weekend. I'm feeling okay about the closure I experienced, (although I would have liked more details about certain characters and job positions), but my brother Brian was upset that Harry didn't show more skill (rather than luck) in defeating Voldermort. I explained to him that it's all about the LOVE but he scoffed at that - I think Brian will be okay in due time.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Snow Flower and Halloween

Just read "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan" - which is an incredibly cheesy name for a book but I really enjoyed it. By ignoring both Ian and my husband I was able to finish it in a day. I still haven't read the seventh Harry Potter book. I'm thinking it will take longer than a day of ignoring - maybe a weekend? That's if I really concentrate on ignoring the boys - hard to do with andrew asking where his car keys, wallet, hat, etc...are and Ian yelling "Moommmyyyy, Moooooommmmyyyyyyyyy" from the other room.

Got a catalogue of Halloween stuff in the mail today. It got me really excited for October (my favorite month) and Halloween (possibly my favorite Holiday). Not sure which route to take with costumes this year. I'm thinking of looking for the most redonkulous costume I can find for Ian. But I go back and forth between cute and embarrassing. We all have to dress up - that's the rule. In the end I probably won't have enough money to do what I want and will settle on a costume on sale at the drugstore. Okay, that only happened last year but if I had to guess I'd say odds are in the drugstore's favor again.


Friday, July 20, 2007

Survival 101

Today we ran a bunch of errands. I told Ian we would go to McDonalds when we were done. A minute later my two and a half year old said "Mommy! Mommy! No pickles, no onions." I think perhaps we need to make a clean break from the golden arches...

Sometime soon I will write thoughts longer than two sentences. But not tonight. Man vs. Wild is on and I need to pay attention in case I too find myself caught in a blizzard in the Scottish Highlands with nothing but a knife, flint and a water bottle.

Every year 160 people die in avalanches. If you should find yourself on a mountain and are unsure about avalanche potential, dig a square to test how firm the snow is (I'll show anyone how who is interested). If you are trapped in the snow and must dig your way out and can't tell which way is up - spit. Gravity will tell you what to do.. (I can show anyone how who is interested).


Thursday, July 19, 2007

Goodbye Tense Muscles and Clear Thought

Oh muscle relaxers and pain pills~ why do you make me feel warm and thoughtful (and sometimes a little itchy)?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My first time...heh heh

Testing - testing. Yes, this font will do. I chose it because it is called Trebuchet. I'm not exactly sure how to pronounce it. In my mind it sound like this..."Traybyoushay". Elegant no? Well, that is all for now. I've exercised all my creativity in starting this new little project and I've not the energy to be witty and insightful.


Another FAV!!