Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Ian wanted his makeup on as soon as he woke up from his nap! I've been telling him for days that he is going to be a tiger and get lots of candy. We even did a practice run (with the makeup and costume last week). What's that? You think I'm taking Halloween a little too seriously? Garbage I say! Anyone who does not take Halloween seriously should not be allowed to get candy - and that includes your kids. (Your kids candy I mean - what I'm trying to say - is you shouldn't get to eat your kids candy if you don't participate. Sheesh - that was hard to explain).

So first we hit up the two neighbors we know across the street (both retired). They were pretty dang excited. They said they haven't had trick-or-treaters in years and they both bought candy just for Ian, hoping he would come by. That's right - we are kind of the darlings of the neighborhood...what can you do?... Who should show up under Ian's feet? Sweetie Pie - the innocent little kitten who we have been feeding tuna and hot dogs everyday and set up a box with a quilt and pillow. Well "Sweetie Pie" if you can call her that apparently has several Aliases. Including George, and PIBS (Pain In the Butt Sh#*). It just so happens that everyone in the neighborhood feeds her and has a little place for her/him to sleep. I feel slightly taken advantage of. All those nights worrying if she would freeze to death - AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE CATS - and insisting to Andrew that I can't have her death on my conscience...and low and behold she has 5 other places to stay and is getting meals all over the place. The only reason I put up with her is because Ian is in love. He really doesn't play with any other kids (none live right around) so she is kind of his only friend. He asks about her at least 10 times a day - and that is no exaggeration friends.

ANYway....after we hit up the neighbors we head into town. The one and only grocery store holds a trunk-or-treat in their parking lot and all the local businesses stay open late and decorate and hand out candy. I have to say - I really loved it. And so did Ian. It was much more fun than hitting up houses. (We were kind of a big hit because all of us dressed up). I am a strong believer in family themes for Halloween! I know the time is close that I won't get to pick out my kids costumes so I am living it up while I can! Unfortunately at least 3 or 4 guys muttered some very un-P.C. remarks about Andrew's costume. I admit, the ears weren't the most masculine. but I thought his face paint was pretty cool (i did it in the car on the way to town). It really bugged me. First of all - there are all these wimpy men standing around just watching everyone, not even participating so it bugged me they would say something. And when they use the "g" word - it just really ticks me off. It makes me want to say something like, "stupid, ignorant, redneck, homophobes with tiny....minds." So yes, my husband dressed up - because he is a real man and it's important to his wife and he is a participator in our family and I know he could kick all those men's butts if push came to shove. And matter how his kitten-ears looked he knows he gets to go home with a sexy cheetah. Okay, i have cooled's freaking freezing in here! I need to start a fire. That reminds me - did I tell about the explosion in the living room? Andrew was at work last week and he had gotten a fire going in the wood burning stove and Ian and I were playing in the living room before bed when all the sudden...BOOM...I see stuff flying through the air and finally I realize that the long BBQ lighter was too close to the fire and exploded. Ian about had a heart attack. He cried and said he wanted his daddy. I was a little scared too~ I'm still picking up pieces a week later. So let this be a lesson people. For all of you with wood burning stoves to keep warm in the winter...huh? that's just us?....well anyway, keep lighters more than a foot away. The information on this blog is really priceless I have to say. It's like I'm helping save lives with just my fingers. And my brain. And the stupid things I have to learn the hard way. You are all - welcome.

Finally i would like to say that I love Halloween Candy - which is just regular candy (but mixed with the gross cheap stuff you would never buy and always throw out... unless you have a two year old who doesn't know the difference between a quality mini-snickers and and unidentifiable green gummy thing in cheap plastic wrap - in which case you give to him/her). Right now I am working on a small pack of Sugar Babies and before that I had a chewy Werther's Original - I didn't even know they had those!! Yes, I do love Halloween.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Desperation and Sweetie Pie

Let's start with a semi-inappropriate story shall we? So Ian had a...stinky...diaper yesterday and it was everywhere...(contained in the diaper, but EVERYwhere if you catch my drift). So I'm cleaning him up and he starts cracking up and says "mommy that tickews (tickles)" I say, "Oh...sorry" and he says "Mommy. No say I Sowwy....IT TICKEWS". I laughed and made a note to self to start potty-training in earnest. Yesterday I had to get out. So Ian and I drove the half hour to McCall for some water and plastic cups and pumpkins. (They have those things here in case you were wondering, but McCall water is better...well, McCall's better). Anyway, this girl smiles at me and then a few minutes later comes up to me and says, "You look so familiar." She looked Mormon to me so I said, "Well I went to BYU-Idaho....and....BYU-Hawaii?..." then her husband walked up and we totally recognized each other - I had gone to BYU-Hawaii with him and ran into him a few years later at BYU-Idaho - where he once introduced me to her. So he says, "you remember Brittany - she was in Home Cooking." Ahhh yes, my claim to no, no pictures please. Once the paparazzi died down in the grocery store I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Oh my gosh do you guys live here please come hang out with me I'm SO lonely!" Just like that too - one long sentence without a breath but with plenty of desperation. I was on cloud nine to actually run into ANYONE i knew from my former life. She stared at me for a minute and said, "Uhhh we're only in town for a night". They were staying at her parents cabin. I tried to find a pen, my phone, anything to get or give a phone number so they could call me next time they came. For some reason they weren't quite as enthusiastic as me. I can't imagine why - ohhh wait, yes I can - you see they have a life. And as my BYU-Hawaii friend so eloquently put it, "So our vacation is your reality". Fortunately there was a little more embarrassment in store for me or it would not have been a complete trip. Ian saw the claw machine thing that grabs toys and he wanted to get the truck in the machine. I had no change and was pushing the cart out of the grocery store saying, "sorry buddy, mommy doesn't have any money, come on, I'm going to leave you..." I know, awesome parenting skills - athankyouverymuch. So i take his soda to persuade him to follow me and walk outside slowly and he just stares. Then - the door shuts and he's still by the machine and I'm outside. So completely not thinking - i took a sip of his soda and i hear from inside the store, "THAT'S MY SODA!! I WANT MY SODA!!!" He is bawling now and runs to the door but it won't open automatically because he's too little so i go in thru the entrance door and scoop him up as EVERYONE anywhere near the front of the store stares and smiles at us and take him kicking, and screaming outside. Ian really doesn't throw the stereotypical terrible two year old tantrums often but apparently he had lost his bloody mind because he was going crazy. I put him down and was sort of hiding behind this big pillar trying to calm him down..."Okay, calm down and I'll give you a surprise at home...let's go see if that pickup truck is still parked next to us with the puppies" (knowing they had to be gone by then). Then it was as if someone flipped a switch and he says, sweet as pie, "puppies!" So, I round the pillar and who's standing there, loading their car? None other than my BYU-H and BYU-I friends. I'm sure the tantrum was witnessed and they will be calling to come hang out soon. And then the kicker - as we're walking towards our car - the pickup truck drives away with the puppies and Ian loses it all over again. It was a special day to remember. He will not be accompanying me to McCall again soon.
Also, this cat - kind of a kitten - came up to us outside. I am not a cat person. I am allergic and I grew up in a house where my dad called them "tire-bait" so the natural affection is not there. Plus, they scare me a little. But before I could stop him Ian was all over it. It was chubbier than a stray would be and very docile and wanted to come inside. It's cold out so i took pity on it and gave it a cup of milk and a can of tuna fish - which FYI - it did not eat. Ian played with it for an hour or so and it followed him everywhere! Which was pretty cute - I didn't know cats did that. Unfortunately, 6 or 7 hours later, it is still on our front porch and I just know Ian is going to open the door when I'm not looking and it's going to come tearing inside. I've yet to touch it - I just admire from a distance. I tried to name it Tiger because it has stripes - then Ian said "Lion" when I asked him what to call it. But every time I said either he would say, "No mommy it not Lion it a kitty cat". And so we settled on "Sweetie Pie". I understand now why people out in the country feed wild animals and "adopt" strays. It's because there is NOTHING ELSE TO DO OUT HERE!!! I was thrilled to fill an hour of my day sitting in the grass watching Ian and Sweetie Pie. "Sweet", I thought..."I've made it through one more hour...."

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

There's a BEAR on the deck!!

Andrew fell asleep on the couch last night and told me this morning that he was sure that a bear woke him up. He said he heard something outside on the deck and then he thought something was breathing at the window. Then he heard heavy footsteps and something run into the chair and then run into his metal flashlight. He left part of a Subway sandwich out there and it was smeared all over the deck (still is in fact) and the paper was everywhere. Tonight Andrew started the night shift at work so I was a little nervous that the bears are now coming up on our deck and I will be home alone! After a teeny bit of investigative work by yours truly, I discovered it was not a bear, but rather raccoons. (They leave smaller footprints you see). I told Ian to go up to daddy and say, "Bless your heart Daddy"...

To make Andrew, master woodsman and tracker, feel better - I offered the possibility that maybe the bear was riding the raccoon's back so we wouldn't suspect anything. I am home alone and getting ready for bed. At least I don't have to worry about bears on the deck, sitting in our chairs and using our flashlights.

An interesting side-note, the raccoons are apparently nesting in our ginormous wood pile in the shed, so that's nice for them...

Andrew told me not to tell anyone about the bear/raccoon mix up, but he's at work and this is my blog and let's face it Andrew just makes for good stories sometimes. He says I owe him quite a bit considering he moved us out here and I would have nothing interesting to write if not for him... True, I would have nothing interesting to write, but on the flip side I would have friends, movie theaters, malls, parks, a wal-mart perhaps. But oh...real life comic fodder is so much more fulfilling....

Monday, October 15, 2007

For the Record

There was a cow in the middle on the highway today. It was on the side of the highway as we drove into town, and right smack in the middle as we drove home. Andrew laid on the horn but that cow just looked at us. I haven't decided yet if she was really dumb, stubborn, a daredevil, or just trying to end it all. Look in her eyes and you decide.

Animals we have seen or my neighbors have seen in our yard since we moved here:
-a doe with her two fawns
-several deer

-a fox that was half black (and looked like a harry potter wolf from the chest up) and half fox. i call it a wox.

-a bear
-a bear cub
-spiders - big ones
-chipmunks - little ones
-raccoons - fat ones

-butterflies - (the only critters i'm truly comfortable around)
-a salamander or newt (it's all lizard to me)
-a cougar or mountain lion (some days i say cougar, some days mountain lion it all depends on how vicious i feel i should describe it that day)

all of these pictures were taken IN our yard. and every animal mentioned has again, been IN our yard. hope we survive the winter...

Monday, October 8, 2007


I just watched the first two episodes of "Private Practice" on Here are my issues: 1) It's not as good as "Grey's Anatomy" 2) It's soooo melodramatic (and to be more melodramatic than Grey's is saying a lot) 3) Fairly obvious character arches 4) Exact same formula as Grey's and 5) It's manipulative. And yet...and yet...i feel myself being manipulated and all resistance to hold back the tears are futile. Oh - it's those stinking parent/child stories that get me every time. Okay, done with my review - although that doesn't mean my eyes have lost their puffiness from crying. Let's talk about the squirrel that attacked Andrew.

So, Andrew goes into the shed with the locked door to look for - i don't know what - and he thinks he hears something. Before he knows what's happening...there is a squirrel. On. His. Back. That's right - our life has turned into a Chevy Chase movie. A squirrel leapt from the rafters onto his back and held on for a minute. I'm very grateful it wasn't me. I'm very grateful it wasn't Ian. Ideally it would have been one of the neighborhood bears, but still, better Andrew then us. He is one with nature after all...although perhaps this begs the question that maybe nature is not one with him?

Last night I was rocking Ian and Andrew comes running in saying, "Come here, come here!! There are raccoons on the deck!" So, we take out the dog food that the last owner left to feed raccoons and throw them a few handfuls. And when I say, "a few", I mean like - 12 - huge handfuls of dog food. Andrew stood outside with them and I slid him my camera through the door and he captures our new four, fat friends (i can't get enough of the alliteration I know) and took pictures of them crawling over his shoes. Ian and I stood safely behind the glass/screen door. One of the braver ones got up on his hind legs a few times and was eye to eye with Ian. Ian thought that was pretty much a fantastic thing to happen before bedtime. Speaking of animals and Ian... We are still guinea pig sitting and Ian was in the guest room with Fred today feeding him carrots and watching him. i came in and sat down and Ian said, "He's so sweet". I hadn't thought of Fred as sweet but I guess I can see where Ian's coming from...kind of....

Ian is really into "Bambi" right now. But he calls EVERY female animal "his mommy". I've tried to explain that Bambi and the girl deer are "lovers" - okay I haven't really said that - but "friends". But Ian keeps saying "he wants his mommy" or "the dogs scare his mommy?". Someday when he realizes Bambi's mommy actually dies in the first 10 minutes I think I may have to arrange a counseling session. I can't sit through Bambi. It bores me a little and also I think I'm afraid that if I really commit to watching it I will be manipulated ("Private Practice" all over again) and may cry when the hunter shoots his meal ticket for the winter. The only positive thing I will say is that the word "twitterpated" is pretty much the greatest. I used to use that word all the time! Why did I stop? it's such great word. Here, I will use it in a sentence...Andrew felt quite twitterpated when the raccoons let him frolic with them last night!

And I'm done.

Friday, October 5, 2007

There's a Bird in my Car and Gas Station Food

So after a quick walk at the lake today (it was 4o degrees and windy out) we decided to grab a bite to eat before my Doctor's appointment. The gas station was closest and Andrew assured me they had good food. And guess what?...they kind of did. Corn Dogs, Fried Chicken, Chili, Mini-Chicken-Pot-Pies, Fries a Salad Bar and of course all the regular gas station staples. They even had a few tables to sit at. Ian made friends with a girl named Rowan who wanted to sit with us but her grandmother (or really old mother - not quite sure) wouldn't let her.

Then onto the Doctor's. Apparently I have polyps in my nose and if it had gotten much worse I would have had to have surgery. Oh and you could swim in my ears (says my doctor) because of all the fluid. So for the past two years I have consistently been misdiagnosed with sinus infections. I blame the west. a) for me being allergic to it and b) for having doctors not know what's going on up my nose. (Although it reminded me of a blessing I received a few years ago telling me to be patient with my Doctors). This Doctor was AWESOME! In addition to my pretty polyps (that's alliteration friends) He said he is a Back Crusader and is going to fix my back. It gives me some hope. So now instead of me having the spine of someone in their 50's or 60's (according to my most recent x-rays and specialists) maybe i can have the back of someone in their late 40's! Don't be surprised if you see me competing at the X-Games in a few years.
Also, one of the Doctors had to go out front (where his dogs were tied up) and let them run around so as to exercise them - he is a Doctor after all and exercises is important. Then he tied them up in front of the clinic and back in to help the people. Hopefully he washed his hands. And, when the nurse took me in to weigh me I noticed an eye exam machine. "Is that for your eyes" I asked, knowing the answer. "Yes", she said. "The opthamologist comes in once a week and works from here." I guess I looked surprised and she laughed and said "Small town living!" "Yes", I agreed..."small town living". Then I laughed and secretly hoped my eyes didn't need help Sundays through Tuesdays or Thursdays through Saturdays.

So...we get back from the Doctor and Pharmacy and Court House because one of the ladies there does the insurance and ours was not yet started even though it should have been and I had to fork over 250 in cold, hard cash and we may have to live off canned fruit and squirrels this month...and get home and after about 15 minutes Andrew goes outside for something and comes running back in yelling "there's a bird in the car!!" I said "Are you sure it wasn't on the other side of the car and you just thought it was in?" - he was not pleased with that response. So I videotaped the release our new friend. When i got Ian out of his car seat after we got home I thought I saw a bug fly in - and I remember Ian's head turning really fast to look at it. But how was I to know it was actually a medium-small bird? Maybe this happens out East - although I've never heard of it. Maybe it's even pretty common. But i believe it all goes back to Cascade. Cascade, Land of the Wild.

Oh and also, my husband is bald. Like, completely Bic-shaved bald as of last night. Okay, so he's tried it, I've touched his bald head a few times and now I am ready for this phase to be over. O.V.E.R. If ANYONE compliments him on his new look - especially you Stapfs who love him and want to be supportive. I will personally come after you! I mean it. You may say one of the following options or a combo: a) It's nice, but I like you better with hair b) it's a little extreme c) it's different d) it's ugly and/or e) you are much more handsome with hair.

Okay people - carry on.


Thursday, October 4, 2007

Monkey Baby and Guinea Pigs

Well, let's start with my very exciting news that Brandon and Maria had a beautiful baby boy yesterday! His name is Caden Diego Krallis and he looks so much like Brandon! He has a head full of black, monkey hair and a hint of a tail. Okay, the tail things not true. Although I haven't seen him in person yet, so who knows. I had my nephew Coleman questioning for years whether or not his Uncle Brandon had a monkey tail. Those were the days... I can't wait to get my hands on Caden. Hopefully we will see them sometime soon~

We are pet sitting a Guinea Pig named Fred for one week. Ian loves "playing with" him - and when I say "playing" what I really mean is tormenting him. Every time I leave the room I hear loud growls...Ian, not Fred. And sometimes Ian blows on him so he jumps and runs. Usually this is followed by a huge belly laugh. I hope this isn't some indication of animal cruelty in my son. He did pet him pretty soft, but growling is much more exciting apparently. I am sort of afraid of little rodent things. Not to have them in my house, but to touch them. I was bit as a child by a hamster that a little girl SWORE never bit anyone and I have never recovered. This is true people. I made the mistake of letting Fred out of his cage and didn't think about how I would have to pick him up to get him in again. I put on rubber gloves because - well, better grip. But every time i barely touched him he started making a horrible squeaking sound. My heart was pounding - POUNDING!!!! But after 15 minutes I was finally able to scoop/lift him into his cage. Fred and I were both relieved to be done with that ordeal. Although Ian thought Mommy being so afraid of Fred was the best thing to happen all day.

Animals are frightening. They make my heart beat fast and my sinuses hurt.

I made up a song for Freddy. It goes...ahem..."Freddy the Guinea Pig, likes to eat and likes to dig. Playing, playing all day long. We love you so we wrote this song." The "we love you" part is more me taking some artistic liberty and not really from the heart.

It snowed last night. It is October 4th - someone should tell the weather it is way too early for snow. It snowed a little today as well. Ian wants to go play in it but it is a mushy, muddy mess. I'll probably take him out anyway. It's either that or listening to him growl for another few hours. Freddy is locked up in the guest room now - napping - as far as Ian is concerned.

Oh - there's a pet peeve I've been meaning to mention. I am so over people saying "i think i just threw up in my mouth a little". It was funny the first time, maybe even time 2. But STOP saying it people. You know you didn't just throw up in your mouth - and the expression has lost all shock value. Let's find something else - like - i think i just wet my pants a little. or.. i think my back is sweating. Anything else will do. I'm just saying....

Another FAV!!